02 January 2014

2013 - a year of disappointment

Clearly, Something has got to change in my life. Back in 2010, I managed to average an outing every 5 days over the year. In 2011, that fell to a total of 51 outings, or an average of less than once a week. With some major work related stress issues, the total for 2012 was down to 13 (about once per fortnight), and I didn't think that it could get any worse.

But it did! In 2013, I managed a total of just 5 outings for the entire year, including IMATS and The Lindy Charm School, that I pushed myself to attend because I'd paid in advance, and the Kurri Kurri Nostalgia Festival, that I planned months in advance for, because I didn't get there last year!

My sleep patterns are no better than they were last year, or the year before, or any of the dozen or so years before that. :-(

At around 85kg, my weight is still far too high. It's a couple of kilos better than last year, but about the same as 2 years ago. I have recently taken to having this old postcard photo of Betty Brosmer as the background on my computer, to remind me that I need to eat less so that I can have a smaller waist. Realistically, the thing that helped me the most to lose weight was going out frequently wearing a body shaper.

I'm still having a lot of trouble with disorganisation at home making it difficult if not impossible to get organised enough to go out en femme. The most recent example was that I seriously considered going to the New Years Eve cafe night, and got as far as straightening my hair and getting my red wiggle dress out, but couldn't get to the ironing board to press the dress.

We made progress with revising the plans for our house extensions, but we have to wait for approval from the civil engineers before we can submit them to council. I'm really hopeful that we'll actually get started on construction this year. To some extent, it worries me that I'm pinning my hopes on the house extensions making a big difference to my organisation and hence my ability to get out more often. I don't know how I'll cope if we put in a huge amount of time, effort and money and it doesn't help!

Perhaps the most troubling thing is the Catch 22 of outings and depression. Going out en femme helps to alleviate my depression. Not getting out means that the depression gets worse, to the point that I'm too depressed to fight all of the obstacles that make it difficult to go out.


  1. Sounds to me like you have some other underlieing issues here as well, of course making more room just means more room to be disorganised in. Maybe you need to think about what you want,, what you really, really want.

  2. There are at least 2 issues that I didn't state directly in this post. One, which I've posted about before, is the fact that the cafe night group includes a socialist who has made it perfectly clear that I'm not welcome and is virtually guaranteed to goad me into doing or saying something that I will regret. Hence, even if I try to convince myself to go, I'm still not sure that I want to.

    The other is that I find that I am unable to regularly practice 1950s hair styles, so they take longer to do than they should, and don't generally turn out well. Being a perfectionist, that's a problem!

  3. If the person who wants to make you feel un-welcomed at the "cafe-night" just simply ignore them. F..k them .. or don't!

    I do however agree with Paula Gee in the matter regarding the house expansion! I do live in a small apartment and it never hurt or helped me.

    Hope you and yours had a great Christmas and have a happy, safe, and prosporus New Year!

  4. Why is it necessary to go with 1950's hair styles? Forget the era, stick with simpler hair styles, get out, feel better, practice the hair styles once the depression eases. Or am I missing something?

  5. I guess it's just "where I'm at" at the moment. If I just straighten my hair, it ends up flat and I feel flat. The '50s styles give it height and body, and that gives me a lift.