(imported from yahoo 360)
I'm sad.
I'm not so much sad for myself as sad for someone who I recently invited to be my friend. She accepted, then, a few hours later, sent me a message saying that she couldn't be my friend because she couldn't handle my being a crossdresser.
It's exactly the sort of reaction that I wrote about trying to avoid a few weeks ago.
At least she had the honesty to admit that she had a problem with me, so perhaps there is hope that she will be able to change her attitude in the future.
I hope that, if she reads this (which I doubt), she won't be insulted. I bear her no ill will, and I genuinely feel sorry for her.
It reminds me of a line from the book "Illusions" by Richard Bach: "Argue for your limitations and sure enough, they're yours."
17 October 2007
22 September 2007
Eek! What do I do?
(imported from yahoo 360)
I hate being negative, but how long can you cling on by your fingertips?
Depression really sucks. If you've never experienced it, you're really lucky.
I've realised that I no longer have any expectation of achieving any goals in life. I no longer have any aspirations. I just try to cope from day to day. I've got more unfinished projects than I even want to think about, and I'm too depressed to even try to do anything.
In the midst of all that doom and gloom, I've discovered that one of my neighbours has a page on 360. I have no idea whether they have any idea that I'm a crossdresser. I have no idea how they would react. I don't even know if they've looked at my profile and recognised me from my photo.
So, do I just wait and see if they say anything, or do I invite them as a friend? :)
I hate being negative, but how long can you cling on by your fingertips?
Depression really sucks. If you've never experienced it, you're really lucky.
I've realised that I no longer have any expectation of achieving any goals in life. I no longer have any aspirations. I just try to cope from day to day. I've got more unfinished projects than I even want to think about, and I'm too depressed to even try to do anything.
In the midst of all that doom and gloom, I've discovered that one of my neighbours has a page on 360. I have no idea whether they have any idea that I'm a crossdresser. I have no idea how they would react. I don't even know if they've looked at my profile and recognised me from my photo.
So, do I just wait and see if they say anything, or do I invite them as a friend? :)
18 September 2007
A life? I don't have one of those anymore.
(imported from yahoo 360)
Before we had our son, I heard of a woman who wrote a book about how having a child had destroyed her marriage. At the time, I thought that she was completely and utterly nuts.
I was wrong.
Don't get me wrong, I love my son, but he takes up all of our time. I need a break!
Sometimes people ask when we're going to have another child. You're kidding, right? If one is this much of a handful, I'm not having another one!
Before he was born, various family members offered to look after him to give us a break. It didn't happen until earlier this year. Now, if I spend an hour driving him around, I can get my mother to mind him for about 4 hours once every few weeks. That's it. My partner and I haven't had any quality time together without him since he was born!
Some people's idea of helping is worse than nothing. My partner's parents expect us to take him to visit them one night every week. It's not a break for us, because we have to stay there and look after him for the whole time. We've been doing that virtually every week since he was born and I've just about had enough! One of these days, I'll tell them that I'm a crossdresser. I figure that the worst that can happen is that they'll stop expecting me to go there.
Before we had our son, I heard of a woman who wrote a book about how having a child had destroyed her marriage. At the time, I thought that she was completely and utterly nuts.
I was wrong.
Don't get me wrong, I love my son, but he takes up all of our time. I need a break!
Sometimes people ask when we're going to have another child. You're kidding, right? If one is this much of a handful, I'm not having another one!
Before he was born, various family members offered to look after him to give us a break. It didn't happen until earlier this year. Now, if I spend an hour driving him around, I can get my mother to mind him for about 4 hours once every few weeks. That's it. My partner and I haven't had any quality time together without him since he was born!
Some people's idea of helping is worse than nothing. My partner's parents expect us to take him to visit them one night every week. It's not a break for us, because we have to stay there and look after him for the whole time. We've been doing that virtually every week since he was born and I've just about had enough! One of these days, I'll tell them that I'm a crossdresser. I figure that the worst that can happen is that they'll stop expecting me to go there.
14 September 2007
The conundrum of letting a word define who you are.
(imported from yahoo 360)
When I created my page here, I started by mentioning one word about me up front in the About Me section.
Perhaps mentioning it there was wrong.
That one word and what it implies is not my whole life. It isn't all that I am. So I've decided that I'll write about it in my blog but not mention it on my front page.
Hopefully people will look at me for who I am.
I hate the thought that someone who might otherwise be friends with me might never even consider it because they see one word and immediately think "No, I don't want to know them. I'm going to have anything to do with a crossdresser!"
When I created my page here, I started by mentioning one word about me up front in the About Me section.
Perhaps mentioning it there was wrong.
That one word and what it implies is not my whole life. It isn't all that I am. So I've decided that I'll write about it in my blog but not mention it on my front page.
Hopefully people will look at me for who I am.
- A parent.
- A spouse.
- A compassionate person.
- Someone who is always willing to listen and offer advice when asked.
- Someone who sufferers from depression but tries not to take it out on others.
- A chocoholic who struggles with their weight. Maybe just one more piece...
- A tea drinker. White with 2, thanks. :)
- Someone who doesn't smoke, drink or do any other drugs.
- A quiet person who isn't into pubs, clubs and partying.
I hate the thought that someone who might otherwise be friends with me might never even consider it because they see one word and immediately think "No, I don't want to know them. I'm going to have anything to do with a crossdresser!"
13 September 2007
Steamroller day
(imported from yahoo 360)
I'm sure everyone has them. Days where you feel like you've been run over by a steamroller.
I'm sitting here at about midnight thinking "what on earth did I do today?"
My son was actually fairly well behaved today aside from the shoe shop incident. And yet, here I sit, absolutely exhausted and wondering why.
Maybe, just maybe, it's because I haven't had any "me" time for way too long. As strange as it will sound to some people, having some time without interruptions to do my makeup, dress in a nice outfit and go out shopping or to visit a friend for a while is one of the most enjoyable and relaxing things that I can do.
To many women, this would sound perfectly normal. I guess to most guys, this probably sounds like a normal "girl" thing to do. Well, when I'm in that "mode", that's exactly who I am. An ugly girl perhaps, but a girl nonetheless.
So, at the end of a steamroller day, I sit back and imagine a time in the future when I'll be able to dress up nicely and go out as that girl, without trying to avoid being seen by the neighbours or the fear of being abused simply for being a girl. Somehow, knowing that I'm going to do that sometime soon makes getting over being flattened by a steamroller day just that little bit easier to cope with.
I'm sure everyone has them. Days where you feel like you've been run over by a steamroller.
I'm sitting here at about midnight thinking "what on earth did I do today?"
- Phone interview for SX News as the unofficial Australian spokesperson for the wikipedia LGBT project? No, that was yesterday. Being hetero and being interviewed by a gay magazine as the representative of a primarily gay group is a bit odd, mind you...
- Work? Well, maybe but it hardly seems like it. I know that I spent several hours working but for the life of me I can't really work out what I achieved doing it.
- Thursday night shopping? Yep, that'll do it. Try looking at the shoes that your partner is trying on while trying to keep a hyperactive 4yo from knocking over the neatly stacked shoe boxes in the shop. Lots of fun. Not.
My son was actually fairly well behaved today aside from the shoe shop incident. And yet, here I sit, absolutely exhausted and wondering why.
Maybe, just maybe, it's because I haven't had any "me" time for way too long. As strange as it will sound to some people, having some time without interruptions to do my makeup, dress in a nice outfit and go out shopping or to visit a friend for a while is one of the most enjoyable and relaxing things that I can do.
To many women, this would sound perfectly normal. I guess to most guys, this probably sounds like a normal "girl" thing to do. Well, when I'm in that "mode", that's exactly who I am. An ugly girl perhaps, but a girl nonetheless.
So, at the end of a steamroller day, I sit back and imagine a time in the future when I'll be able to dress up nicely and go out as that girl, without trying to avoid being seen by the neighbours or the fear of being abused simply for being a girl. Somehow, knowing that I'm going to do that sometime soon makes getting over being flattened by a steamroller day just that little bit easier to cope with.
Entry for 13 September 2007
(imported from yahoo 360)
Well, I've finally decided to create a profile. As if I didn't already have enough to do.
I've been crossdressing since I was about 5 years old. I used to hide it from everybody but over the past few years I've realised that it's my life and I have every right to live it.
I don't understand people who have a problem with knowing that I'm a crossdresser. Some people have known me almost all my life and yet, as soon as they know that I crossdress, they don't want to know me.
Hey, people. I haven't changed. The only thing that has changed is that you now know something about me that hasn't really changed since I was 5 years old.
I've finally realised that if there's a problem here, it's not my problem, it's theirs. That's one of the most life changing realisations that I've ever had. I no longer feel guilty. I no longer feel like it's my problem.
Over the next few months (years?), I'll be coming out to my friends, my wife's family, neighbours, etc. I have no idea how it's going to go but I'll find out eventually.
Well, I've finally decided to create a profile. As if I didn't already have enough to do.
I've been crossdressing since I was about 5 years old. I used to hide it from everybody but over the past few years I've realised that it's my life and I have every right to live it.
I don't understand people who have a problem with knowing that I'm a crossdresser. Some people have known me almost all my life and yet, as soon as they know that I crossdress, they don't want to know me.
Hey, people. I haven't changed. The only thing that has changed is that you now know something about me that hasn't really changed since I was 5 years old.
I've finally realised that if there's a problem here, it's not my problem, it's theirs. That's one of the most life changing realisations that I've ever had. I no longer feel guilty. I no longer feel like it's my problem.
Over the next few months (years?), I'll be coming out to my friends, my wife's family, neighbours, etc. I have no idea how it's going to go but I'll find out eventually.
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