Not happy

A few weeks ago, I bought a pair of Tony Bianco Palais shoes in red suede on sale in a small country town for $75. I was quite impressed with the style, and went looking on line to see what other colours they came in. I found that they also came in a nice purple suede that I was really keen on, and a dark chocolate brown kid leather that would work well with some of my Autumn (redheaded colouring) outfits.

After some googling, I discovered that Wanted Shoes (the Australian one, which I think is unrelated to the USA one) had the brown on sale for $80, so I went to their Kotara store on Saturday to ask about them. The shop assistant said that they could order them in for me to look at to see if I liked the colour, and I wouldn't need to leave a deposit. The implication seemed to be that if I didn't like the colour, I wouldn't be obliged to buy them.

I went back to the store on Thursday afternoon to have a look at the shoes. The sales assistant clearly had the attitude that, since I had ordered them, I was there to buy the shoes, not look at them. In fact, the sales assistant lifted the lid off the box only long enough to be able to confirm that they were the right style and colour. She also advised that the price had been further reduced from $80 to $50 but did not indicate why.

When I got home, I took the shoes out of the box and was shocked to discover that the shoes are quite obviously badly shop soiled, having numerous scratches and scuffs, particularly on the right shoe that had obviously been on display and still had a large price label stuck inside.

I am appalled at the behaviour of the sales staff. While the shoes were discounted, at no time was it suggested that the shoes were marked or damaged in any way. As I had purchased the same shoes in red suede for $75 elsewhere a few weeks earlier, I assumed that it was simply a clearance on a slow moving colour.

While my wife is fairly confident that the marks can be polished out using a rejuvenating shoe polish, I am extremely disappointed with the experience of purchasing shoes from Wanted Shoes.

I've sent a message to the customer service link on their web site, and so far I've had an automated response containing what I sent them. I'll be interested to see what their response is.

From boy to belly dancer

I surprised myself today. I wondered how long ago I'd mentioned in my blog that I have been learning belly dancing. The surprise was that I don't appear to have ever mentioned it before!

I started learning belly dancing about 8 years ago, and generally done one class per week, roughly in school terms, when I've been able to. There have been a couple of long gaps where I haven't danced. I think that the first one, about 6 years ago, was about 9 months. The recent one was that I stopped in about June last year and only started again a few weeks ago.

This week, I did something that I've never done before. I took a day off work, dressed in a casual outfit, spent a few hours out shopping then did something that I hadn't seriously considered even a few days earlier. I did a belly dance class en femme. I absolutely loved it. The only negative was that, instead of doing some yoga at the end of the class, we just did the full hour of dance because makeup and a wig aren't very compatible with yoga.

The problem now is that, I'd love to do my dance classes en femme all the time, but that would probably mean no more yoga. I even considered taking a wig stand and makeup so that I could take the wig off before the yoga, then touch up the makeup and put the wig back on at the end but that's a lot of fiddling!

More steamroller days

Back in 2007, I blogged about steamroller days - days where you feel like you've been run over by a steamroller.

Well I've had a lot of them recently. Here's a typical work day from this week just gone:
* up before 8am;
* first customer waiting when I get to the office at 8:45am;
* work the morning, which runs over to about 12:40pm;
* prepare lunch in about 5 minutes, but have to leave it because...
* 1pm customer arrives at 12:45pm;
* eat lunch at 2pm while organising to go out for customers I have to visit;
* drive to 2 customers and the bank then back to office;
* 5pm to 6pm - spend an hour on the phone helping someone with a technical problem;
* get about half an hour of paperwork done before organising my family and travelling to visit relatives for dinner;
* get home around 9pm, go back to the office and work on paperwork until midnight;
* get to bed at 2am.

Yes, I manage to squeeze the occasional few minutes online amongst all of that, but it's why I haven't managed to go out shopping en femme since Easter, and why I don't always manage to get to the weekly cafe nights. Some people even think that I'm snubbing them by not travelling to Sydney (at least 2 hours drive each way) for events!

To top it all off, I've got a persistent sore throat which makes a feminine voice all but impossible and my weight is going up because I don't have time to exercise.

Crossdressing and politics

I've been thinking about this for a few years now.

Is Australia ready for a crossdressing politician? I don't mean someone who is in the closet about their crossdressing. I mean a heterosexual, married man who publicly admits that he is a crossdresser, complete with a sizable collection of publicly accessible photos on flickr in various places online. [edited October 2010 - flickr photos no longer publicly accessible but there are photos online elsewhere.]

A few years ago, I seriously considered being involved in politics but wasn't going to be out about my crossdressing if I did. Not long before my candidacy would have become public, a TS friend made a comment to me in a chat room. Her comment was something like "It's not if you get outed, it's when. If you go into politics, you will be outed." I knew that what she was telling me was true, and that I'd been trying to delude myself into believing otherwise. I had also gained a fairly good insight into how dirty politics really is, so I withdrew and that was that.

After a while, I had a bit of a think about all of that, and decided that if I ever do get into politics, I will have to be completely out about my crossdressing before I even start.The reality is that I've been letting people around me know about it, but telling the world at large is something else entirely. I'm not sure whether I'm ready for it, and I'm not sure that I want to do that to my wife and son.

Then there are the politicial ramifications. If I'm completely open about my crossdressing, will a political party want anything to do with me, and would anyone vote for me? Imagine for a moment that there was an election where the 2 leading candidates were a married crossdresser and a guy who had abandoned his wife and children to shack up with his secretary. Which one would people vote for?

The only political positive would be that there'd be no skeletons in my closet. :)

It takes a lot of makeup...

As promised, here's my makeup routine. As mentioned before, preparation includes removing facial hair, shaping and trimming brows, washing, toning and moisturising, getting all the makeup and brushes out and laying them out ready to use. My face is quite oily everywhere except between my mouth and top lip but my neck and chest aren't anywhere nearly as oily, and the makeup process reflects that. My current pattern is to organise the makeup in 3 rows. I work along each row then move to the next.
Row 1, foundation:
* wet a makeup sponge and squeeze so it's just damp;
* apply makeup primer to face using sponge. I'm currently using Clinique pore minimizer instant perfector. I'm not happy with its coverage of large pores and will look for something better when I finish it;
* apply an oil control gel to face using same sponge. The current one is Clinique pore minimizer t-zone shine control. It helps to keep my makeup from going shiny for a bit longer than without it, but probably only about half an hour. Again, I'll look for something better when I finish it;
* apply makeup primer to neck and chest down to top of bra using same sponge. I'm using Inglot Under Makeup Base here purely to use it up because it was useless on my face. It didn't help to hide the pores and it didn't help with shine but it does help to keep the foundation in place;
* apply a green colour corrector cream to a few of the reddest spots using same sponge. The current one is Avon Colour Corrective Cream, and it's going to last for years because I use very little;
* if the sponge is worn out, throw away. Otherwise, wash, rinse, squeeze and leave to air dry;
* apply a Dermablend colourless powder over my face with a puff, then brush off the excess with a big powder brush. This helps to absorb oil and to fill in pores a bit more;
* apply foundation using brush, with the foundation in the palm of my spare hand. I start with my forehead and work down around my eyes, over my nose, around my mouth then from the temples down the sides of my face, alternating from side to side. Once I've covered my face using my Estée Lauder Double Wear foundation (which I love), I add some Revlon Colorstay to the remaining foundation in my hand and mix it in. I'm basically using up the Revlon on my neck and chest because it can't handle the oiliness of my face but it's also a shade lighter than the Estée Lauder and I found that using the same foundation all the way down made the face look paler then the chest, so blending from one shade to the other under the jaw actually looks more natural;
Row 2, highlight, contour and blush:
* apply a highlight powder that is paler than the foundation and a contour powder that is darker than the foundation. This helps to change the apparent shape. I use the highlighting to make some places look shallower or more prominent and contouring to make other places look deeper or less prominent. I actually apply all of the contouring, then all of the highlighting but the following descriptions mix the two to make it easier to understand what they're for:

* I have the masculine “bossing” over the eyebrows, and contouring it helps to make the face shape look more feminine. I only contour a small horizontal stripe from about mid-brow to mid-brow.
* I'll sometimes add a small contour spot in the hollow underneath the cheekbone to help to emphasise the cheekbones and make them look bigger.
* I contour along the edges of the jaw for about the middle third of each side and apply a highlighter in an upward pointing triangle on the tip of the jaw, improving the definition of the tip while shrinking the sides a little to improve the overall appearance of the shape.
* I apply highlighter in a large triangle with its points at the outer end of the eye, the edge of the ear level with the eye and the jaw just below the ear to help widen the top of the face to make my long face look more oval.
* I highlight across the bridge of the nose and a narrow line down the ridge and contour the sides and around the underside of the tip to bring the bridge forward (reduces the appearance of the forehead bossing) and emphasise the narrowness of that line against the contour used along the sides of the nose to make it look shorter and narrower.
* I highlight in the hollow under my bottom lip to flatten out that hollow.
* To emphasise cleavage, I contour between the breasts and take a curved Y shape up around the top of the breasts a little bit to emphasise the boundary between the flat skin of the chest and the rise of the breasts, and highlight on the inside side of each breast to emphasise them and increase the apparent depth of the cleavage. Lately, I've actually been using a white eyeshadow (Max Factor 010 Wild White) to highlight here.

* apply blush, going from under the middle of each eye out and up to in front of each ear and up the temples. Might sound odd but that's what my face shape needs. I use different blush colours, depending on the clothing and wig colour that I'm going to wear;
* apply Estée Lauder Double Wear powder to set the foundation and help blend the contouring and highlighting. I use a medium powder brush to apply and a large one to dust off the excess;
* remove the 2 tissues that were tucked into the top edges of the bra and use them and a brush cleaner to thoroughly clean the foundation brush;
Row 3, eyes and mouth:
* pencil in brows, starting at the inside ends and working out along the brows, alternating side to side to try to keep them even. My brows end about 2/3 of the way across my eyes, so once I get to the outside end of the brows, I draw a new line freehand. I start with a narrow line, and they always end up uneven so I thicken them to even them up. If I'm wearing an auburn wig, I start with an auburn pencil that is too subtle on its own, then use a brush and brown eyeshadow to fill in the brows, leaving a fairly natural brown/auburn brow colour. For other wig colours, I simply use a matching pencil;
* apply a white eyeshadow to the middle of each upper lid to help to make the eyes look more open and a patch under the peak of each brow to help to lift (open up) the brows. I apply all of my eyeshadow using a brush;
* apply dark eyeshadow shade to lids and crease, working around the white section. Like blush, the colour of eyeshadow varies with wig and clothing colour;
* apply lighter eyeshadow to outer 2/3 of areas below brows, from a diagonal line up and out from near the inside corner of the eye to the brow, dipping under but blended into the white under the peak and petering out in a curve between the outside end of each eye and the ends of the brows;
* use heated eyelash curler to curl upper lashes. Because the curler is shorter than my eyes, this usually takes about 4 goes on each side before I'm satisfied;
* apply mascara. I'm currently using Covergirl LashBlast waterproof. I use black/brown with auburn and brown warm season wigs and black with blonde and brunette cool season wigs;
* apply eyeliner. I'm using Inovi LiquidPencil with their Fixit makeup fixative at the moment and aside from how badly it breaks up when sharpening, I'm happy with it but their store closed so I'll have to find something else when I use them up. As with the mascara, I use brown or black depending on the wig colour;
* apply white eyeliner to the lower lids above the lashes, in the so called "waterline" area so that that area looks like part of the white of the eye from a distance, making the eyes look more open;
* apply more white eyeshadow around the inner end of the eyes to tone down the eyeliner a little and brighten the eyes;
* apply lipstick and sealer. I use various shades of Max Factor Lipfinity and CoverGirl OutLast (they're the same stuff from the same factory, just in different shades) and I always have trouble getting the lip line to look right and even. I apply the colour, then the clear sealer/moisturiser, blot then apply the clear again.

Now you can probably see why I separated this from the Boy to Girl list. :)

Plausible deniability

I visited one of my wife's aunts for a while today. She needed a hand with a computer problem and changing a light bulb in her flat.

While I was sorting out her computer problem for her, I told her outright that I am a crossdresser. Not only was she not the slightest bit surprised, but she confirmed my suspicion that most if not all of my wife's relatives know but are choosing to pretend not to know. I believe that the term used in the military is plausible deniability. By not admitting that they know, it remains plausible that they don't know.

That's actually a big relief to me. They know and pretend not to, and that's their choice. The really good thing is that they continue to accept me in my male role. I haven't been rejected outright. I'm still trying to get my head around the larger implications of this, but it's definitely a relief.

Boy to girl

As promised, here's my lists of things that have to do to change from "boy" to "girl", and why it takes at least three hours all up.

First, there's the preparatory things that can be done hours before the actual transformation begins:

*decide on an outfit including wig;
*get out wig cap, clips and pins to match wig, brush, comb and spray;
*get the wig (on foam head) out and put it on the stand, spray and brush all over;
*get the clothing out, hang or lay out on the bed as appropriate;
*get out the underwear, padding, breast forms etc and lay them out on the bed;
*get out the shoes that I'll be wearing when I leave the house, plus heels in their box if I'm going to change shoes after driving. Often, I'll put the heels in the car now or immediately before starting the actual change;
*choose and get out jewellery to match;
*get out makeup, brushes etc and put them on a cloth on the bed ready to take to the bathroom;
*check and trim or shave any body or facial hair that needs doing. This is only a touch-up, as the hair will all have been waxed or epilated if I'm organised;
*get out girl purse and handbag to match outfit. If I don't need to go anywhere in boy mode before I get changed, I'll pack the purse and mostly pack the handbag aside from makeup, keys and phone.

At this point, I can leave it all like this for hours before I start to actually change. Sometimes the above organising will be done through the day between doing other things if I'm going out at night.

Once it's time to actually change, the process is fairly consistently in this order:
*in bedroom, take off boy shoes/boots and socks, shirt and trousers to give the maximum possible time for the clothing pressure marks to go away, remove boy earrings, brush and tie hair off face, put on girl dressing gown. I have 2 separate dressing gowns, a boy one which never comes into contact with makeup or perfume and the girl one that gets perfume and makeup on it all the time;
*in bathroom, wash, tone and moisturise face, neck and decolette;
*in bedroom, apply adhesive bra, checking in mirror to get the 2 pieces symmetrically placed, put on bra, do up clip on adhesive bra then put the breast forms into place. I do the adhesive bra up after putting the normal bra on because reaching around to do the bra up has broken the clips on adhesive bras before;
*apply a quick spray of body spray to belly and back below bra before putting dressing gown back on;
*pick up the cloth with the makeup by the corners in one hand, brush set in the other hand and return to the bathroom;
*lay makeup out on cloth in order of use on one side of bathroom vanity, brushes on the other side;
*get 3 tisues, tuck 2 of them along the cleavage edges of the bra to keep the makeup off, put the other one aside for blotting lipstick;
*do makeup. There'll be a separate post about this, but it currently takes around an hour and 5 to 20 minutes;
*use toilet. Sounds odd to put in this list, but after the next 2 steps, I have to strip to go again;
*take makeup and brushes back to bedroom, finish packing handbag;
*in bedroom, apply talc, go back to bathroom and wash hands (I should take the talc to the bathroom with the makeup but I never thought of it until I was typing this!), put on g-string which holds boy bits tucked into place to give a smooth feminine shape, inner shaper pants to keep padding off skin, outer shaper pants rolled down to crotch. Insert bottom edges of padding into shaper pants, roll shaper pants up over padding, lift bottom edges to flatten padding, move padding and pants as necessary to get in correct position. Once the padding and shaper pants are all in place, put the thigh-to-underbust body shaper on over them, starting by pulling it up the legs with it also rolled down to the crotch. unroll body shaper and hook on removable straps, feed straps up under sides of bra and get them sitting under the bra straps on the top of the shoulders. Lift the legs of the shaper and get all the layers sitting flat;
*Put on tights/pantihose/socks, outer garments, shoes;
*take wig on stand, brush, wig cap, clips, pins etc to bathroom;
*pin hair up using about 10 one touch clips, then clip wig cap on using another 10 clips;
*put wig on, adjust and pin into place, quick brush, put decorative clips into wig, brush again;
*put on earrings, necklace, bracelets, wedding ring;
*apply perfume to wrists;
*check overall look in mirror. Brush wig again if needed.

On Tuesday afternoon this week, the actual change took about two and a half hours, including the makeup taking one hour and five minutes. The organising stuff took at least half an hour.

Fun, fun, fun on facebook

A friend who I've known for over thirty years recently realised who I am and sent me a friend request on facebook. It's funny to realise that I started cross-dressing a few years before I met her, but it wasn't until just a few weeks ago that she found out. She was shocked at first but is quite accepting. I'm genuinely surprised just how happy that has made me.

After all this time of wondering if my wife's family have any idea who I am, I've finally had a hint on facebook that some of them actually know and just won't say anything. :)

Importing stuff to facebook

Well, I've finally decided to import my blog into my Facebook notes. If you're reading this on facebook as a single note, you can click on the Alice's Notes link above the note, next to my photo, to see all of my notes including all the imported blog posts. If you click on the View original post link below the note, it'll take you to the original blog post on blogger. Sadly, it doesn't seem to be possible to also transfer comments left on blogger in response to posts there across to Facebook, so there may end up being 2 separate sets of comments on the same post.

I also discovered that it's very easy to link my photos on flickr to Facebook, so now new image uploads to flickr will also show up on my wall and my friends' home pages.

For anyone wondering, my new profile photo on both blogger and facebook was taken after I got home from dinner with friends on Tuesday night. It's one of those rare occasions where I look at a photo and think that it has turned out just right. :)

I've had several people respond to my second last post about all the things that I do going from "girl to boy", asking for more similar stuff. I promise that I'll soon be doing a similar "boy to girl" list, a "grooming" list and perhaps a post about "why it takes me so long to do makeup". :)

Dinner with the family

In my second last post, I mentioned that I was going out for dinner with my wife's family, and that I was wondering what would happen after one of my wife's cousins saw me on Saturday.

Well, the answer was a big fat nothing!

The guy who saw me was visiting from Sydney, and went home before the dinner because of other commitments. His parents (who he probably stayed with) and brother were all there, and none of them even looked at me sideways let alone saying anything.

Sheesh! it could be xmas before I see him again! I still don't know if he recognised me, but if he did, it doesn't look like he told any of his family.

Why does it take so long to change from girl to boy?

Someone asked me recently on a forum why it takes me over an hour to change from "girl" back to "boy". Since I figured that other people might be interested, here is a summary. I don't always do everything in exactly this order, but this is roughly it:

* unpack and put away handbag;
* put away makeup, etc;
* remove and put away jewellery;
* remove shoes, put back in box & put box away in cupboard unless wet, in which case leave to air. If I've worn flats to drive and heels while out, put away or air both;
* remove wig, put it on foam head, brush then put away;
* remove outer clothes and socks/tights/pantihose. Sort and put out to wash or hang for next time. I use a silk or satin scarf over my head to avoid getting makeup on the top or dress if it comes off over my head;
* remove bra, breast forms, adhesive bra, body shaper, outer shaper pants (holds padding in place), padding, inner shaper pants (keeps padding off skin) and g-string;
* hang bra, shapers and padding to air or put out to wash;
* hand wash breast forms, adhesive bra and g-string. Towel dry non-adhesive sides of forms and bra, put in storage trays to air dry. Hang g-string on shower screen to drip;
* remove wig cap and about 20 one-touch clips;
* remove makeup, which extends all the way to the top edge of the bra;
* shower. This includes washing my face twice with different cleansers to make sure all visible signs of makeup are gone, washing all over thoroughly to remove perfume and washing hair;
* tone, apply eyecream and moisturiser;
* towel dry g-string and hang to air dry;
* put on "boy" clothes;
* put "boy" earrings in;
* brush and tie up hair;
* transfer almost everything from my girl purse to my boy wallet.

Yes, that's at least an hour.

Facebook friend invites - episode 3, plus a day out shopping

Yesterday, for no obvious reason, I decided to send a few more friend invites on Facebook. I haven't sent a 2nd invite to anybody who ignored the first one, I've just sent a few more to various people who know me as a boy.

That included my father-in-law's sister, who, like her brother, accepted the invite soon after I sent it, without comment.

It also included my sister-in-law's husband, who popped up a chat with my wife asking "Who is Alice?" while she was in the middle of preparing dinner. I think that she responded with something along the lines of "Look at her profile and you should be able to work it out. I've got to go back to preparing dinner." It's over a day since then, and nothing more has been said to my wife or to me.

I decided yesterday that I wanted to do some shopping today. I'd broken the clip on my last adhesive bra (you can see that I use them for on wikipedia), and one place has them at 2 for $8, so I went there and bought 4. That was in the Hunter Street Mall, and getting there without paying for parking involved hiking from the top of Newcommen Street down to the mall and back. For those who don't know the area, it's a decent sized hill.

After that, I headed to Westfield Kotara to look for coloured tights, particularly purple ones to go with a body suit that I particularly like. One idea is to layer black lace tights over purple. I bought some patterned purple tights at Target, and while I was there I almost bumped into one of my wife's cousins, who only knows me as a male. He looked at me, then did a double take but didn't say anything. I turned away as calmly as I could manage and simply headed to the checkouts without looking back.

After browsing several other stores and buying a couple of things at DJs, I headed up to Charlestown Square. I hit the jackpot on the tights at Sussan. They not only had purple tights that are an almost perfect match to the body suit, but they also had black lace floral pattern ones like the one pair I've had for a couple of years and couldn't more of. They were on sale at $5 off each, too. I'm considering going back and buying some more while they're still on special!

I realised something sort of funny a while ago, and today reinforced it for me. Even if people read me as a crossdresser, they never confront me about it. It's actually easier to go out shopping as a woman and have few people even look twice than to go into "women's" shops and the "women's" department of shops as a man and have lots of people looking, whispering, etc!

There's a family get-together coming up for my wife's family. I'll be interested to see what is said, if anything.

Random bits 'n' bobs

Forgive me readers, for I have sinned. It has been far too long since I last blogged and lots of things have happened that I should have written about. :)

Sadly, my dear friend Pip, who I mentioned in my last post, has passed away. Even though it was expected, it's still taking a while to really get over.

My nephew, who I mentioned in my 2nd last post, still doesn't seem to have worked it out. Last weekend, I forgot that he doesn't know and when I was visiting my brother's place there was a discussion about who was taller. Someone said that my nephew is yet to have his main growth spurt. I responded with "That's okay, I've got 4" heels." Everybody laughed, but he responded with a comment that indicated that he thought that I was joking.

In a surprise move, one of my friends sent me a friend request on Facebook. I'm yet to find out what led her to realise who I am, but it was a real surprise because I sent her a request months ago and she ignored it.

I've finally made the decision to abandon MySpace entirely. I deleted my profile yesterday, so old links to my blog of MySpace won't work any more. That's okay, though, because I copied them all here first.

My neighbour, who I blogged about having outed myself to, seems to be more accepting than before. We've chatted across the fence about my crossdressing, and she tells me that she's seen me a few times and thinks that I look better as a brunette. :)

I've been tagged

It seems that my dear friend GlossQueen as decided to tag me. Ouch. :p What I have to do is post the third photo in the third folder on my computer, and write about it, so here goes...


Early in 2008, I started going out for dinner fairly regularly with a few other transgender girls. This photo is a group photo from the second time I went out. With me were Linda Karen (aka LK), Pip and Amy Hayes.

These weekly restaurant nights have really helped me and many several other girls come out of our shells (and closets) and be more comfortable in public. The idea originally started in Brisbane, and LK and Pip decided to do the same in Newcastle. I'm really proud that I've become a reasonably regular part of this, and also that it allowed me to spend time with Pip, whose health has sadly declined since this photo was taken. I'm also missing Amy, who hasn't made the trip up from Sydney for quite a while now (hint, hint :p).

While tranny chasers are not welcome (I've blogged before about when one turned up), pretty much anybody else who feels like dining with a bunch of trannies is welcome to come along. :)

"Who is Alice?"

I was in boy mode when I took my son to a birthday party for one of my nieces today (the one I've mentioned before, who has met me as Alice).

Last night, my son and I made a birthday card for her. At my son's insistence, the card was from 4 names, my son, my wife, my male name and "Alice".

My 3 nieces all loved it. My 12yo nephew looked a little confused and asked "who is Alice?" I answered, do you remember the photo your sister used to have on her wall before she moved out of home? He still looked a little confused and my niece said "you know, the one you thought was aunty ***."

He knew the photo we were talking about but still didn't get it. "But who is she?" My niece just said "a family friend" and left it at that. I later told her that I describe my alternate identity as my "identical twin" brother or sister, depending on which I am at the time. :)

He was the only one of my immediate relatives who I wasn't sure whether he knew or not. All of the rest do. Now that his 3 sisters know that he doesn't know, I suspect that he'll know fairly soon. :)

Facebook friend invites - episode 2

I finally sent a facebook friend request to my father-in-law. Now that might not sound like a big deal, but when you're a crossdresser and you're not sure if your inlaws know that or not, and you send the request from a female profile on facebook, which has a corresponding crossdressed avatar photo and he accepts the friend request without comment, it makes things interesting. I still don't know if he knows but I suspect that he might. :)

Facebook friend invites

Well, I finally did it.

I sent facebook friend requests to some of my wife's relatives and one of her friends. So far, no reaction. Of the 4 invites I sent, I'm certain that 2 of them have logged into facebook and done other stuff since, but I've had no reaction. Not even a message saying "who are you?"

I guess I'll just have to wait a while and see if anything happens. After being so nervous about sending them, it seems like a bit of an anti-climax getting no response at all!

Maybe I should send a request to my father-in-law too. LOL.

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Celebrity Collage by MyHeritage

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The funny things that people say

Two weeks ago, my niece (my brother's daughter who knows me as both her uncle and aunt), my mother-in-law and I (in boy mode) were talking. I don't remember why, but my niece suddenly decided to make a mischievous remark along the lines of

I think that you are far better at applying eye-liner than I am.

I wasn't sure how my mother-in-law would react, and while I was trying to work out what to say next, my mother-in-law responded with

Some of the best makeup artists are men.

To which I responded

That depends on how much makeup they're wearing at the time.

The conversation just stopped right there. I can't imagine how my mother-in-law could fit that in with what she knows about me if she really doesn't know that I'm a cross-dresser.

The following weekend, my wife and son went away with my in-laws for the Australia Day long weekend. They took an extra day at each end of the weekend for travelling, so they left on Friday and returned on Tuesday.

That made the timing of their return interesting, as Tuesday night is the night that I go out for dinner with the girls. In some ways, I hoped that they would arrive just before I left as Alice while in other ways I still wanted to avoid having my in-laws see me that way.

Well, the timing worked out okay for avoidance. I left before they arrived, having put away all my makeup gear from the bathroom and tidied almost everything in our bedroom. Not that my in-laws tend to look in our bedroom. They've seen but never commented about the row of 9 wigs on stands along one wall, and now they seem to avoid even going to our bedroom doorway. :)

After I got home, my wife told me about a little conversation that went on in the car on the way home about picking up takeaway dinner on the way. When asked if they would need to get enough food for me as well, my wife said

No, he usually goes out for dinner on Tuesday nights

onto which my son added

as Alice.

LOL. No response. Nothing.

I'm left trying to decide whether to send friend invites to a few of my wife's relatives on facebook. :)

Total lack of recognition

While helping my father-in-law to create and set up his facebook profile last night, my profile photo came up on the screen in the people you might know section. My mother-in-law was looking over his shoulder and there wasn't the slightest hint of recognition from either of them. I wonder if they'll ever look more closely at the photo. :)

Then again, from experience, I know that I can walk into a store or restaurant in boy mode and girl mode at different times, and even if the staff know that I'm both, they won't recognise me as the same person between the two. For that matter, if I change between being a redhead and brunette girl, a lot of people don't recognise me or have to stop and think about it.

One waitress who knew me as a girl (and lets face it, going out for dinner with a group of crossdressers means that she knew I wasn't a real girl) only realised that I was the same person in boy mode because I addressed her by name as soon as I walked in the door, and ordered the exact same meal. :)

Perhaps one of the most flattering comments that I've ever had was from a woman in a Tree of Life store. I'd been there in boy mode and chatted with her when I bought myself some jewellery. A couple of weeks later, I went in in girl mode and she had her hair done differently. I commented that I almost didn't recognise her because her hair was different. We chatted briefly, but she didn't say anything to indicate that she recognised me. It was a few weeks until I saw her again, and I was again in boy mode. When I walked in, her eyes lit up and she had a huge smile on her face. She said something like

That was you, wasn't it?

I smiled, and she said

You had me completely fooled until you spoke.

and admitted that she hadn't realised who I was until after I walked out of the store.

I guess I need to work on my voice more... :)

Neighbours, friends and family

I promised in my last post that I'd describe my neighbour's reaction when I invited her as a friend on Yahoo 360 last year...

I sent her an invite in late August but she didn't respond until mid September. Because I hardly ever use 360 any more, I probably didn't get the messages for another week or two after that.

It turns out that she was shocked when she realised who I was. She didn't see it coming. She really didn't know, which is sort of funny because I had completely convinced myself that she must have known by then. She only worked it out by reading my blog posts. I don't think that she even recognised me from my photos.

She said no to my friend request, but sent me a message to explain why, and I'm cool with that. We still chat over the fence quite often and as long as I avoid the subject of my crossdressing, we're fine.

That's a lot like my mother. She's known for many years but doesn't want to talk about it.

I guess if my neighbour ever invites me as a friend on facebook, I'll know that she's really accepted me but I'm still content with the knows but doesn't want to know position.

A few months ago, I came out to an older couple who I've been friends with for many years. I had no idea what the reaction was going to be, and was pleasantly surprised when they were quite positive about it. The lady even laughed and said that her uncle had been in Les Girls but got too old and had to retire due to arthritis.

I visited them again on Boxing Day, and chatted about all sorts of things, including my crossdressing. I'm truly amazed and happy that they are so accepting.

I still don't whether my inlaws don't know I'm a crossdresser, or they have figured it out but make an effort to pretend not to know. I had pretty much convinced myself that they do know but are pretending not to, but after re-reading my neighbour's comments from when I invited her as a friend on yahoo, I'm not so sure now. I'm really going to have to drop it into conversation one of these days. :p