(imported from myspace)
A few days ago, I found out that, last weekend, a friend of mine was drugged and raped by a guy she knows. I've seen the guy before and I've always agreed that he's creepy.
Imagine, then, going out for dinner with friends on Tuesday night, only to have another creep who was sort-of known to one of the girls (but certainly not liked) show up uninvited and attempt to proposition each girl. YUCK!
He didn't try to proposition me while we were in the restaraunt, and he saw and commented about my wedding ring. When we left, I thought that he had already left and pretty much forgot about him. One of the other girls, Linda, had parked her car on one side of the street and I had parked a little further along the other side. We walked along opposite sides of the street until she got to her car, then I continued to mine.
Just before I reached my car, I realised that a car had started near where Linda was parked and was driving towards me. I thought that it was Linda just making sure that I got to my car okay or coming to say something to me. It wasn't.
The creep drove up and said something about wanting to talk to me. I looked around and realised that he had waited until Linda had done a u-turn and driven away before he had driven towards me. I was alone. Very alone. And scared shitless!
While he was parking his car a few spaces away, I got to my car, unlocked it, fumbled for several terrifying seconds with the frog fastener on my cape, got it off, rolled it up and threw it on the back seat, got in the car and locked the doors. I always wear flat shoes to drive, but was wearing 4" heels, so I quickly changed shoes and got ready to go.
By the time I was ready to start the car, the creep was at my car tapping on the window and saying that he wanted to talk to me. Several times, I said "I've got to go!" but I wasn't going to lower that window, so I just started the car and drove away.
I was shaking all the way home and for at least an hour after I got home.
After a few hours, fear was replaced by anger. How dare this creep scare the shit out of me? I guess from now on I won't leave the can of body spray at home. I might need it to defend myself!
What is with these people? Is the world full of creeps?
26 June 2008
13 June 2008
Unscientific poll
(imported from myspace)
Okay. I've sort of got a problem. I'm a cross-dresser and I'm going out more often than I have in years. I'd like to be open with my neighbours but I have no idea how they would react. I figure that sooner or later, they're going to see me coming or going and I'd rather tell them than have them find out by accident.
I have profiles on MySpace, Facebook and Yahoo360 and I've discovered that one of my neighbours does too! I have no idea if they know who I am and just don't want to know or they don't want to say anything, or whether they really have no idea!
So the question is, if you found out that your neighbour, a guy who is straight and is married with a child, was a crossdresser, how would you react? Would you hate him for it, even though you got on okay when you didn't know, or would you be okay with it?
I'd really like to get some feedback from people who haven't really had much or anything to do with crossdressers before. If that's you, I'd really love to hear from you and I'd really appreciate if you could ask your friends to give their opinion too.
Okay. I've sort of got a problem. I'm a cross-dresser and I'm going out more often than I have in years. I'd like to be open with my neighbours but I have no idea how they would react. I figure that sooner or later, they're going to see me coming or going and I'd rather tell them than have them find out by accident.
I have profiles on MySpace, Facebook and Yahoo360 and I've discovered that one of my neighbours does too! I have no idea if they know who I am and just don't want to know or they don't want to say anything, or whether they really have no idea!
So the question is, if you found out that your neighbour, a guy who is straight and is married with a child, was a crossdresser, how would you react? Would you hate him for it, even though you got on okay when you didn't know, or would you be okay with it?
I'd really like to get some feedback from people who haven't really had much or anything to do with crossdressers before. If that's you, I'd really love to hear from you and I'd really appreciate if you could ask your friends to give their opinion too.
28 February 2008
It’s a small world
(imported from myspace)
I use high quality mastectomy breast forms. They're expensive but I figure I'm worth it. :)
I bought my last pair of breast forms about 6 or 7 years ago and they had started to develop small cracks around the edges in the past few months. A few weeks ago, one of them split and started leaking. Eww.
There was nothing to be done but buy a new pair. There were 2 local suppliers that I knew of, so I had a look at the website for one and found exactly what I was after. With some extras included in a package deal, they were $699. Out of curiosity, I rang the other place and was quoted $431 each. That's $862 without any extras!!!
Obviously, I ordered them from first place! When I got an email last Wednesday to say that they had arrived, I arranged to go and pick them up.
I knew was that the woman there was named Tanya, but when I arrived, I looked at her and thought that she looked familiar from somewhere... She thought that I looked familiar, too.
After a little while, we worked out where we knew each other from. It turns out that we had been in the same group of friends for a few years about 20 years ago! Wow. What was supposed to be a half hour shopping trip turned into a 2 hour visit. :)
Ironically, one of my brothers was interested in Tanya all those years ago, and was just about to ask her out when she met the man she's been married to for the past 17 years. This is the same brother who didn't talk to me for about 9 months after learning about my crossdressing.
Tanya said that she wanted me to get a photo of my brother's reaction when I tell him what she does for a living now.
This Tuesday, Tanya came along to our weekly cafe night. It was great! Towards the end of the night, we got a couple of photos of the pair of us. She wants me to email one of them to my brother. I love the idea, except that I'd miss out on seeing his expression. :)
I think I might print the photo out and take it to my niece's birthday party this weekend in case my brother goes too. :)
I use high quality mastectomy breast forms. They're expensive but I figure I'm worth it. :)
I bought my last pair of breast forms about 6 or 7 years ago and they had started to develop small cracks around the edges in the past few months. A few weeks ago, one of them split and started leaking. Eww.
There was nothing to be done but buy a new pair. There were 2 local suppliers that I knew of, so I had a look at the website for one and found exactly what I was after. With some extras included in a package deal, they were $699. Out of curiosity, I rang the other place and was quoted $431 each. That's $862 without any extras!!!
Obviously, I ordered them from first place! When I got an email last Wednesday to say that they had arrived, I arranged to go and pick them up.
I knew was that the woman there was named Tanya, but when I arrived, I looked at her and thought that she looked familiar from somewhere... She thought that I looked familiar, too.
After a little while, we worked out where we knew each other from. It turns out that we had been in the same group of friends for a few years about 20 years ago! Wow. What was supposed to be a half hour shopping trip turned into a 2 hour visit. :)
Ironically, one of my brothers was interested in Tanya all those years ago, and was just about to ask her out when she met the man she's been married to for the past 17 years. This is the same brother who didn't talk to me for about 9 months after learning about my crossdressing.
Tanya said that she wanted me to get a photo of my brother's reaction when I tell him what she does for a living now.
This Tuesday, Tanya came along to our weekly cafe night. It was great! Towards the end of the night, we got a couple of photos of the pair of us. She wants me to email one of them to my brother. I love the idea, except that I'd miss out on seeing his expression. :)
I think I might print the photo out and take it to my niece's birthday party this weekend in case my brother goes too. :)
22 February 2008
17 February 2008
What a fortnight!
(imported from myspace)
I've had a busy fortnight.
Back in October last year, I tried to go out to a cafe with friends. It was a big let down when I got dressed up and drove into town only to find that they had cancelled without telling me even though I'm sure that I'd told them the week before that I intended to be there. I wasn't treated very well by the staff at the cafe, which upset me quite a bit.
There were some unfortunate misunderstandings as a consequence of that, and I pretty much stopped crossdressing for over 3 months. I'd occasionally try something on or buy something in a shop but I didn't do makeup and I didn't even consider going out.
That all changed a couple of weeks ago. Completely by accident, I happened to be in a chatroom late on Friday night when a friend from the next suburb showed up. I hadn't seen her in about 6 months, and I jokingly suggested that I could go and visit her. She said yes, I said "When?" and she said "Now." I changed clothes and went and visited her from about 12:30am until 3:30am, and tentatively organised to visit again the next night.
The next night, I did my makeup, got all ready to go and then went into the chatroom to check that she was home before I went. She wasn't there, and nobody had seen her all night. I hung around for over an hour, then changed, showered and went to bed.
Well, I guess about then my brain shifted gears and said "I wanna go out!"
The next day was Sunday. I dressed again with the intention of going to Charlestown Square. Well, by the time I was ready to leave, about all that was open were the supermarkets, Myer and David Jones at Kotara. Myer would be closed in about half an hour, but David Jones would be open for another hour and a half. That made the choice easy. DJs it was.
Having not been out for so long, just getting the nerve to get out of the car was a real struggle but I did it. I went into DJs, wandered around and browsed, got friendly smiles from the shop assistants and generally had a relaxing and positive experience.
I decided that I'd have another go at going out to a cafe, so that Tuesday night I went out and spent a couple of hours having dinner with friends. It was great being out!
The next Saturday, I decided that it was about time that I got myself a better fitting bra. I knew that the one I had worn the last couple of times I was out didn't fit right, and I wanted to get 2 new ones, one black and one skintone. I went to the shopping centre and spent about 3 hours going around various shops. I tried bras at a few shops but none fitted quite right. I ended up at Myer, where I found a bra that fitted much better but they only had it in skintone. I thought "oh well, I'll drive to DJs and see if they have the same one in black."
I got to DJs and started looking for the same bra. A lady there asked if she could help me. I told her what I was looking for. They didn't have the same one, but they had another similar one in the same brand. Isn't that always the way?
Anyway. I tried that one on and it wasn't right. Just as I was going to give up, the lady came back to check on me. I ended up getting a proper bra fitting done, finding a completely different bra that was a better fit than I'd ever had before and I got 25% off because I bought 2! I was happy. :)
The following Tuesday, I went out to dinner with some of the same friends. Another great night, and I was even less nervous about going out.
Of course, now I was thinking that I'd really like to find a new top or dress to wear next week...
Saturday couldn't come soon enough! As usual, I had a late start and didn't get out anywhere nearly as early as I wanted. It was mid afternoon by the time I dropped into a local op shop to try on a dress I'd seen before. It would have been great if the zip hadn't self destructed! Oh well, I'll just have to go look for something new instead. I drove to Kotara and wandered around for a couple of hours. I tried a couple of tops but didn't end up buying either.
It's a shame I have so much else that needs doing. I could have spent today shopping too. :)
I still don't know if any of my neighbours know about my crossdressing. :))
I've had a busy fortnight.
Back in October last year, I tried to go out to a cafe with friends. It was a big let down when I got dressed up and drove into town only to find that they had cancelled without telling me even though I'm sure that I'd told them the week before that I intended to be there. I wasn't treated very well by the staff at the cafe, which upset me quite a bit.
There were some unfortunate misunderstandings as a consequence of that, and I pretty much stopped crossdressing for over 3 months. I'd occasionally try something on or buy something in a shop but I didn't do makeup and I didn't even consider going out.
That all changed a couple of weeks ago. Completely by accident, I happened to be in a chatroom late on Friday night when a friend from the next suburb showed up. I hadn't seen her in about 6 months, and I jokingly suggested that I could go and visit her. She said yes, I said "When?" and she said "Now." I changed clothes and went and visited her from about 12:30am until 3:30am, and tentatively organised to visit again the next night.
The next night, I did my makeup, got all ready to go and then went into the chatroom to check that she was home before I went. She wasn't there, and nobody had seen her all night. I hung around for over an hour, then changed, showered and went to bed.
Well, I guess about then my brain shifted gears and said "I wanna go out!"
The next day was Sunday. I dressed again with the intention of going to Charlestown Square. Well, by the time I was ready to leave, about all that was open were the supermarkets, Myer and David Jones at Kotara. Myer would be closed in about half an hour, but David Jones would be open for another hour and a half. That made the choice easy. DJs it was.
Having not been out for so long, just getting the nerve to get out of the car was a real struggle but I did it. I went into DJs, wandered around and browsed, got friendly smiles from the shop assistants and generally had a relaxing and positive experience.
I decided that I'd have another go at going out to a cafe, so that Tuesday night I went out and spent a couple of hours having dinner with friends. It was great being out!
The next Saturday, I decided that it was about time that I got myself a better fitting bra. I knew that the one I had worn the last couple of times I was out didn't fit right, and I wanted to get 2 new ones, one black and one skintone. I went to the shopping centre and spent about 3 hours going around various shops. I tried bras at a few shops but none fitted quite right. I ended up at Myer, where I found a bra that fitted much better but they only had it in skintone. I thought "oh well, I'll drive to DJs and see if they have the same one in black."
I got to DJs and started looking for the same bra. A lady there asked if she could help me. I told her what I was looking for. They didn't have the same one, but they had another similar one in the same brand. Isn't that always the way?
Anyway. I tried that one on and it wasn't right. Just as I was going to give up, the lady came back to check on me. I ended up getting a proper bra fitting done, finding a completely different bra that was a better fit than I'd ever had before and I got 25% off because I bought 2! I was happy. :)
The following Tuesday, I went out to dinner with some of the same friends. Another great night, and I was even less nervous about going out.
Of course, now I was thinking that I'd really like to find a new top or dress to wear next week...
Saturday couldn't come soon enough! As usual, I had a late start and didn't get out anywhere nearly as early as I wanted. It was mid afternoon by the time I dropped into a local op shop to try on a dress I'd seen before. It would have been great if the zip hadn't self destructed! Oh well, I'll just have to go look for something new instead. I drove to Kotara and wandered around for a couple of hours. I tried a couple of tops but didn't end up buying either.
It's a shame I have so much else that needs doing. I could have spent today shopping too. :)
I still don't know if any of my neighbours know about my crossdressing. :))
17 October 2007
Feeling sorry for those who reject us
(imported from yahoo 360)
I'm sad.
I'm not so much sad for myself as sad for someone who I recently invited to be my friend. She accepted, then, a few hours later, sent me a message saying that she couldn't be my friend because she couldn't handle my being a crossdresser.
It's exactly the sort of reaction that I wrote about trying to avoid a few weeks ago.
At least she had the honesty to admit that she had a problem with me, so perhaps there is hope that she will be able to change her attitude in the future.
I hope that, if she reads this (which I doubt), she won't be insulted. I bear her no ill will, and I genuinely feel sorry for her.
It reminds me of a line from the book "Illusions" by Richard Bach: "Argue for your limitations and sure enough, they're yours."
I'm sad.
I'm not so much sad for myself as sad for someone who I recently invited to be my friend. She accepted, then, a few hours later, sent me a message saying that she couldn't be my friend because she couldn't handle my being a crossdresser.
It's exactly the sort of reaction that I wrote about trying to avoid a few weeks ago.
At least she had the honesty to admit that she had a problem with me, so perhaps there is hope that she will be able to change her attitude in the future.
I hope that, if she reads this (which I doubt), she won't be insulted. I bear her no ill will, and I genuinely feel sorry for her.
It reminds me of a line from the book "Illusions" by Richard Bach: "Argue for your limitations and sure enough, they're yours."
22 September 2007
Eek! What do I do?
(imported from yahoo 360)
I hate being negative, but how long can you cling on by your fingertips?
Depression really sucks. If you've never experienced it, you're really lucky.
I've realised that I no longer have any expectation of achieving any goals in life. I no longer have any aspirations. I just try to cope from day to day. I've got more unfinished projects than I even want to think about, and I'm too depressed to even try to do anything.
In the midst of all that doom and gloom, I've discovered that one of my neighbours has a page on 360. I have no idea whether they have any idea that I'm a crossdresser. I have no idea how they would react. I don't even know if they've looked at my profile and recognised me from my photo.
So, do I just wait and see if they say anything, or do I invite them as a friend? :)
I hate being negative, but how long can you cling on by your fingertips?
Depression really sucks. If you've never experienced it, you're really lucky.
I've realised that I no longer have any expectation of achieving any goals in life. I no longer have any aspirations. I just try to cope from day to day. I've got more unfinished projects than I even want to think about, and I'm too depressed to even try to do anything.
In the midst of all that doom and gloom, I've discovered that one of my neighbours has a page on 360. I have no idea whether they have any idea that I'm a crossdresser. I have no idea how they would react. I don't even know if they've looked at my profile and recognised me from my photo.
So, do I just wait and see if they say anything, or do I invite them as a friend? :)
18 September 2007
A life? I don't have one of those anymore.
(imported from yahoo 360)
Before we had our son, I heard of a woman who wrote a book about how having a child had destroyed her marriage. At the time, I thought that she was completely and utterly nuts.
I was wrong.
Don't get me wrong, I love my son, but he takes up all of our time. I need a break!
Sometimes people ask when we're going to have another child. You're kidding, right? If one is this much of a handful, I'm not having another one!
Before he was born, various family members offered to look after him to give us a break. It didn't happen until earlier this year. Now, if I spend an hour driving him around, I can get my mother to mind him for about 4 hours once every few weeks. That's it. My partner and I haven't had any quality time together without him since he was born!
Some people's idea of helping is worse than nothing. My partner's parents expect us to take him to visit them one night every week. It's not a break for us, because we have to stay there and look after him for the whole time. We've been doing that virtually every week since he was born and I've just about had enough! One of these days, I'll tell them that I'm a crossdresser. I figure that the worst that can happen is that they'll stop expecting me to go there.
Before we had our son, I heard of a woman who wrote a book about how having a child had destroyed her marriage. At the time, I thought that she was completely and utterly nuts.
I was wrong.
Don't get me wrong, I love my son, but he takes up all of our time. I need a break!
Sometimes people ask when we're going to have another child. You're kidding, right? If one is this much of a handful, I'm not having another one!
Before he was born, various family members offered to look after him to give us a break. It didn't happen until earlier this year. Now, if I spend an hour driving him around, I can get my mother to mind him for about 4 hours once every few weeks. That's it. My partner and I haven't had any quality time together without him since he was born!
Some people's idea of helping is worse than nothing. My partner's parents expect us to take him to visit them one night every week. It's not a break for us, because we have to stay there and look after him for the whole time. We've been doing that virtually every week since he was born and I've just about had enough! One of these days, I'll tell them that I'm a crossdresser. I figure that the worst that can happen is that they'll stop expecting me to go there.
14 September 2007
The conundrum of letting a word define who you are.
(imported from yahoo 360)
When I created my page here, I started by mentioning one word about me up front in the About Me section.
Perhaps mentioning it there was wrong.
That one word and what it implies is not my whole life. It isn't all that I am. So I've decided that I'll write about it in my blog but not mention it on my front page.
Hopefully people will look at me for who I am.
I hate the thought that someone who might otherwise be friends with me might never even consider it because they see one word and immediately think "No, I don't want to know them. I'm going to have anything to do with a crossdresser!"
When I created my page here, I started by mentioning one word about me up front in the About Me section.
Perhaps mentioning it there was wrong.
That one word and what it implies is not my whole life. It isn't all that I am. So I've decided that I'll write about it in my blog but not mention it on my front page.
Hopefully people will look at me for who I am.
- A parent.
- A spouse.
- A compassionate person.
- Someone who is always willing to listen and offer advice when asked.
- Someone who sufferers from depression but tries not to take it out on others.
- A chocoholic who struggles with their weight. Maybe just one more piece...
- A tea drinker. White with 2, thanks. :)
- Someone who doesn't smoke, drink or do any other drugs.
- A quiet person who isn't into pubs, clubs and partying.
I hate the thought that someone who might otherwise be friends with me might never even consider it because they see one word and immediately think "No, I don't want to know them. I'm going to have anything to do with a crossdresser!"
13 September 2007
Steamroller day
(imported from yahoo 360)
I'm sure everyone has them. Days where you feel like you've been run over by a steamroller.
I'm sitting here at about midnight thinking "what on earth did I do today?"
My son was actually fairly well behaved today aside from the shoe shop incident. And yet, here I sit, absolutely exhausted and wondering why.
Maybe, just maybe, it's because I haven't had any "me" time for way too long. As strange as it will sound to some people, having some time without interruptions to do my makeup, dress in a nice outfit and go out shopping or to visit a friend for a while is one of the most enjoyable and relaxing things that I can do.
To many women, this would sound perfectly normal. I guess to most guys, this probably sounds like a normal "girl" thing to do. Well, when I'm in that "mode", that's exactly who I am. An ugly girl perhaps, but a girl nonetheless.
So, at the end of a steamroller day, I sit back and imagine a time in the future when I'll be able to dress up nicely and go out as that girl, without trying to avoid being seen by the neighbours or the fear of being abused simply for being a girl. Somehow, knowing that I'm going to do that sometime soon makes getting over being flattened by a steamroller day just that little bit easier to cope with.
I'm sure everyone has them. Days where you feel like you've been run over by a steamroller.
I'm sitting here at about midnight thinking "what on earth did I do today?"
- Phone interview for SX News as the unofficial Australian spokesperson for the wikipedia LGBT project? No, that was yesterday. Being hetero and being interviewed by a gay magazine as the representative of a primarily gay group is a bit odd, mind you...
- Work? Well, maybe but it hardly seems like it. I know that I spent several hours working but for the life of me I can't really work out what I achieved doing it.
- Thursday night shopping? Yep, that'll do it. Try looking at the shoes that your partner is trying on while trying to keep a hyperactive 4yo from knocking over the neatly stacked shoe boxes in the shop. Lots of fun. Not.
My son was actually fairly well behaved today aside from the shoe shop incident. And yet, here I sit, absolutely exhausted and wondering why.
Maybe, just maybe, it's because I haven't had any "me" time for way too long. As strange as it will sound to some people, having some time without interruptions to do my makeup, dress in a nice outfit and go out shopping or to visit a friend for a while is one of the most enjoyable and relaxing things that I can do.
To many women, this would sound perfectly normal. I guess to most guys, this probably sounds like a normal "girl" thing to do. Well, when I'm in that "mode", that's exactly who I am. An ugly girl perhaps, but a girl nonetheless.
So, at the end of a steamroller day, I sit back and imagine a time in the future when I'll be able to dress up nicely and go out as that girl, without trying to avoid being seen by the neighbours or the fear of being abused simply for being a girl. Somehow, knowing that I'm going to do that sometime soon makes getting over being flattened by a steamroller day just that little bit easier to cope with.
Entry for 13 September 2007
(imported from yahoo 360)
Well, I've finally decided to create a profile. As if I didn't already have enough to do.
I've been crossdressing since I was about 5 years old. I used to hide it from everybody but over the past few years I've realised that it's my life and I have every right to live it.
I don't understand people who have a problem with knowing that I'm a crossdresser. Some people have known me almost all my life and yet, as soon as they know that I crossdress, they don't want to know me.
Hey, people. I haven't changed. The only thing that has changed is that you now know something about me that hasn't really changed since I was 5 years old.
I've finally realised that if there's a problem here, it's not my problem, it's theirs. That's one of the most life changing realisations that I've ever had. I no longer feel guilty. I no longer feel like it's my problem.
Over the next few months (years?), I'll be coming out to my friends, my wife's family, neighbours, etc. I have no idea how it's going to go but I'll find out eventually.
Well, I've finally decided to create a profile. As if I didn't already have enough to do.
I've been crossdressing since I was about 5 years old. I used to hide it from everybody but over the past few years I've realised that it's my life and I have every right to live it.
I don't understand people who have a problem with knowing that I'm a crossdresser. Some people have known me almost all my life and yet, as soon as they know that I crossdress, they don't want to know me.
Hey, people. I haven't changed. The only thing that has changed is that you now know something about me that hasn't really changed since I was 5 years old.
I've finally realised that if there's a problem here, it's not my problem, it's theirs. That's one of the most life changing realisations that I've ever had. I no longer feel guilty. I no longer feel like it's my problem.
Over the next few months (years?), I'll be coming out to my friends, my wife's family, neighbours, etc. I have no idea how it's going to go but I'll find out eventually.
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