Travelling with family

In a few weeks, I will be taking my wife and son to Canberra for a few days to allow my wife to compete in sport. While there, we'll meet up with my wife's parents who, as I've noted before, I'm certain know about me but have never said anything. My role is primarily as chauffeur for the trip there and back and child minder for my son for most of the time while my wife and her parents are busy competing. On other occasions when my wife and son have travelled with her parents, I have stayed home and they've kept him occupied without me so realistically, the only part of the trip that I'm really required for is the driving, because my wife will not drive through road debacle that is Sydney. Her parents are going to be there for several days longer than we will, meaning that travelling with them isn't an option.

I'm not aware of there being any specific events that would be suitable opportunities for me to go out en femme, but I'd like to get out while I'm there. I've come to realise that I've been thinking the same thing year after year. We'll go away somewhere so that my wife can compete, and I'll wish that I could go out en femme but not really have any idea about what I'd do or where I'd go while I was there. The result is that all my femme stuff stays home while I spend the entire time away in boy mode. Sadly, at this point I expect that to be the case for this trip, too.

The only time I've ever been even close to crossdressed in Canberra was going to a Seahorse NSW meeting in Sydney years ago, cleaning off most of my makeup and changing before leaving the meeting, stashing my clothes and wig in the car for the duration, and having a shower in Canberra upon arrival (at about 2am) to remove the last traces of perfume and makeup.

I'm still considering my options, but suspect that when the time comes, I'll leave all my femme stuff at home and spend the time twiddling my thumbs in Canberra. Given that we're supposed to be travelling home on a Tuesday, I hope that I'll be home early enough and feeling well enough to make it to the regular Newcastle cafe night.

Attitude adjustment

My work took me to the nearby city of Cessnock today. I didn't have a lot of time to spare, but stopped to look in op shops between jobs. Obviously, that means browsing dress racks in boy mode.

I walked into an op shop and went straight to the dress rack, which happened to be close to the front counter. One of the 2 women at the counter asked "are you going to a fancy dress party?" I smiled and looked at her somewhat quizzically, which confused her a little, and she repeated the question, adding a comment about the fact that I was looking at the dress rack.

I smiled again, and got my internet tablet out of my bag and said "I'll show you something." While I was waiting for it to boot up, the other woman noticed my nails and commented "Look at his nails! They're beautiful." I loaded up the above photo, which was from last week's Central Coast cafe night, and showed it to them. It took a couple of seconds for the penny to drop, but they suddenly realised that the photo was of me, and asked a few of the usual questions like did I do drag shows (no), how did I get that cleavage? (an adhesive bra and mastectomy breast forms), was I homosexual or heterosexual (heterosexual and married). I mentioned that most of the crossdressers that I know are heterosexual and many are married.

There was more conversation along the same lines, during which I showed them a few older photos in which I was wearing auburn wigs. Both women complimented me on my appearance. When I got to a photo in a black wig (the one in my earlier blog post My holy grail of bras), the woman who had started it all asked if the photo was of my wife. "No, that's me." She apologised for her original quip several times during the conversation and made it clear that until then, she had assumed that all crossdressers were gay.

So in the space of a few minutes, I'd not only outed myself to a couple of shop staff but I'd educated them about crossdressers. When a customer brought something to the counter to pay, I alerted the women to her arrival and went to browse the dress rack. As I worked my way along, I found 8 dresses that I wanted to try on. Knowing that the normal rules for this chain of shops was a limit of 3 items in the change room, I told the woman at the counter that I had found 8 dresses that I'd like to try and would it be okay if I took all of them into the dressing room. She again apologised for her earlier comment, and assured me that it would be fine to take the 8 dresses in and try them.

Obviously, it took me a little while to try them all on, and some were good and others no good. By the time I'd finished, I'd decided that I'd like to get 4 dresses including a halter neck evening gown that I have no idea when I'll get an opportunity to wear it. It was tagged $10, while the other 3 were all tagged $7. Without me asking, the now quite chatty and friendly woman put them all through for $5 each.

Having spent so much time in that one shop, I didn't have any time left to look at the other 3 op shops nearby. I returned to my car and continued with my work day. When I got home, I showed the dresses to my wife, who was uncommital about the first 3 that I showed her, and quite interested in the final one. That probably means that she'll be trying it on soon and if it fits her, she'll borrow it from time to time or it will find its way into her wardrobe and I'll have to borrow it back. :)

As a follow-up to my last post (Frankening), I bought a cheap pearl white nail polish tonight, so I'll be doing some more Frankening and re-doing my nails very soon (probably tomorrow night).

Frankening

I learned a new neologism a few days ago. I have been looking for a nail polish that is very close to the natural colour of my nails, but opaque enough that it would reduce the contrast between the tips and the part on the nail bed. Something that I can wear as an everyday polish, in girl mode and in boy mode without being too obvious. Very few people say anything about my long nails, so maybe, like getting my ears pierced, I'll eventually find that people don't care and I'll wear bright colours all of the time but I'm just not ready to try that yet! I want to work my way up to it.

To that end, I bought a cheap light pink nail polish last Thursday night. I tried it on Friday and was disappointed to not only find the polish didn't flow or apply well (poor consistency and a poor quality brush), but that it was too bright and pale to look natural, as can be seen in the above photo.

I then looked at an orange nail polish that I bought some time ago, that is far too orange to look natural, and too transparent. It flowed and applied really well, but gave my nails an orange tinge that reminded me of the stained nails of a smoker. Yuck!

What I really want is a shade between the two, that goes on as well as the orange one but is more opaque. Now, if I was to add some of the pink to the orange...

Since the orange polish had only been used a few times, the bottle was still fairly full. I added pink until the bottle was full to the bottom of the neck, shook it up and found that it was a more apricot shade and looked more opaque in the bottle than it had been, so I tried applying it and found that it's still a bit too orange and a lot too transparent.

Tonight, I topped up the bottle with a little bit more pink and applied it again. It's still too orange and far too transparent, although not as bad as before.

One of my friends on Facebook suggested adding some pearl white polish to the bottle to make it more opaque. Guess what I'll be looking for when I'm out shopping tomorrow night. :)

When I made a comment on the Beauty Heaven forums about having experimented with mixing nail polishes to try to get the result that I am after, one of the other posters responded by pointing out that mixing nail polishes is called frankening. A quick google search indicates that the term is derived from Frankenstein, in reference to putting bits and pieces together to make a monster. :)

Online shopping and chopping

Shopping

Back in January, I commented that I was looking at buying some more wigs. A few weeks ago, I finally did it. I bought 3 wigs from internationalwig.com/. They are all the same style and length, Alicia by New Look, in the standard length the same as the two red ones that I already had. One is actually a replacement for my favourite wig, which is getting old and the net is stretching out of shape. The others are replacements for the black and blonde wigs that I previously mentioned that I wasn't happy with. All three need their fringes trimmed to length, so I haven't worn them yet, but the purchase was quite straight forward and they arrived within about 3 weeks, which was the timeframe predicted on their web site.

Encouraged by the good results of buying wigs on line, I decided that I really wanted to get some lace patterned tights in colours other than black. I've searched locally over and over again without success, but not found what I was looking for. Google, however, turned up a brand called Jonathan Aston, in a style called Sweet Roses.

The first site that I looked at buying these from was a little strange. In spite of them being in the UK and me being in Australia, the site insisted in showing prices in US dollars. They also didn't have what I wanted in stock, and indicated that it would take a couple of weeks to get them in. The colour options shown were black, chocolate (the one I wanted) and ivory.

I subsequently found a different site, uktights.com that not only showed their prices in UK pounds, indicated that they had what I wanted in stock, and had an additional colour, shark grey. While browsing their site, I spotted some cute tattoo print tights, so I ended up ordering 2 pairs of the chocolate brown tights, one pair in shark grey and 2 pairs of the tattoo print, and getting a free pair of (obviously rather cheap) plain pantihose thrown in. The order shipped the same day, but showed as "part shipped". Several days later, I got a refund because apparently they didn't include one of the pairs of chocolate brown tights! I wasn't very happy about that, but the order was shipped within literally a few hours of ordering, and only took about 10 days from the UK to Australia.

Delivery was a problem, though. The sender had marked it as signature required, and instead of trying to deliver it, I watched the postal parcel delivery contractor put a card in the letterbox, which told me that I had to go to the post office to collect it! I rang Australia Post and told them what had happened and that I wasn't happy, and I told the woman at the post office when I went to collect it and she assured me that she'd let the delivery manager know.

I've had a look at the tights and I'm absolutely rapt. They look beautiful, and as soon as I post this, I'm off to get ready to go out. I'll be wearing the chocolate brown tights tonight. :)

Chopping

I've been active on quite a few online sites, and up until recently that included flickr. Not long after I joined flickr, I had a few experiences that made me very dubious about the site. I made comments about it, and other people encouraged me to stay. I did, but to make it more tolerable, I started blocking people whose photos or behaviour was offensive to me. That included people who added me as a contact or favourited my photos, but whose photos showed genitals, profile indicated that they were tranny chasers, etc. The last straw came a couple of weeks ago, when I got an abusive message from a tranny chaser who was livid that I had dared to block him after he favourited a couple of my photos. He apparently had at least 2 accounts, and when I blocked him on one, he used a different account to send the abusive message.

I've now virtually departed from flickr. I haven't deleted my account, but I've deleted many of my photos (mostly close-ups) and those that remain are visible only to my friends. At some point in the future, I may decide to return, or I may decide to delete my account entirely but for now it's effectively inactive. Having made the decision to do that, I've realised that I can feel some relief from stress that I wasn't aware that I was experiencing.

Happy Friday

I did something last Friday that I've never done before. I took a day off work, as flexitime and went out to a few op shops and a couple of shopping centres. Visiting shops where the staff already knew me was fun, including Lifeline Cardiff where one of the staff realised who I was and sent another who didn't to have a look at me. When I turned around, there was a surprised exclamation of Oh, it's you! I was just admiring your hair. :)

I also wandered around the newly reopened (refurbished) bottom floor of Charlestown Square, as it opened on Friday. I remember when I used to be scared of going out, but now I'm finding it easier and easier to just blend into crowds and have virtually nobody take the slightest notice of me. Probably the only place that worries me now is near my home and work, for fear of harm that could occur to my family or to my work if someone particularly negative was to make a fuss.

As I was leaving Charlestown, I remembered that I was getting low on the apple tea that I can only get at Kotara, so I went there too. On the way back to the car, there were a couple of people (a man and a woman) with a little stall in the middle of the shopping centre, trying to sell skincare products or some such, and offering samples. The woman stepped forwards as I approached and I smiled and shook my head, and she stepped back. The man then started to move towards me, but I think that the woman said something to him and he also stopped. As I walked past, he complimented me on my hair. Even if it was just a sales ploy, the seemingly random compliment was quite welcome. :)

As I mentioned in my last blog post, there were 6 cafe nights in August. Adding the outing on Friday means that my average for the month was better than one in 5 days, so my overall average for the year has improved. Of course, with there will only be 5 cafe nights in September, including the Central Coast one that I plan to go to tonight. It's a 30 day month, so one more outing would make for an average of once every 5 days, but my goal is to get to all of the cafe nights and at least 2 other outings, as I'm still behind my target for the year. I'm already planning another day off.

Not quite par, but the tea is nice

As I noted last month, there were only 5 cafe nights in July. I got out only one other day during the month, and that was shopping on Sunday, 18th. So, another month on, I'm slightly further behind my goal, with my average having slipped because I got out only 6 times in 31 days. At least August again has 6 cafe nights, so assuming that I make it to all the cafe nights, one extra outing would improve my average. Sadly, other commitments guarantee no weekend outings for the next couple of weeks, and work makes it virtually impossible on weekdays.

The shopping outing was somewhat odd, as I went to 4 different shopping centres and bought something at each, but none were really girly things. The first was Charlestown Square, where I bought a L'Oreal Lash growth serum to replace the one that I've now finished. Having wandered around a bit, I didn't find anything else that I wanted to buy, and continued on to Westfield Kotara. There, I remembered some comments that my friends Christina and Linda had made about a shop that specialises in tea. Hundreds of varieties of tea from all over the world.

Years ago, I used to go to a Turkish restaurant (which has long since closed) and had found the apple tea there very nice. So, when I saw the tea shop in Kotara, I went in and asked about Turkish apple tea. It turns out that they had it in stock. I've been having some almost every day since, and my wife has been having some too, although I'm not certain how often. The only downside is that when I drink the tea, I keep wanting a pidda (turkish pizza) to go with it. :)

On the way home from Kotara, I decided that I'd drop by the new Woolworths at Cardiff and grab some groceries. I got a few things, but one of the main things that I was after was out of stock. When I got home, I was informed that we needed some more stuff from Woolies, so I went out to Woolies Glendale to do yet more shopping.

I was amazed how busy Glendale was at about 5pm Sunday! Woolies there was far busier than the newer one at Cardiff. I got the handful of items that I was after and headed back home.

I had a very nice op shop find in boy mode on Wednesday, 28th. I bought a 3/4 sleeve wrap dress at the local Samaritans store. It's dark brown with thick squiggly lighter brown writing all over it. It was $7, with the original (new) tag being still on it. I expect to wear it to a cafe night within the next week or two. :)

I had hoped to go out again on Saturday, 31st. I even did my nails in a dark chocolate brown polish on Friday night in preparation. My plan was to go to a few of the better stocked local op shops then to Charlestown Square, but the combination of a few things prevented that.

The main problem is that over the past few years, I have developed a sleep pattern problem. At different times in my life, I've managed to operate everywhere between getting to bed by 10pm and getting up at 6am and, mostly during uni holidays, getting to bed after 4am and getting up at noon. Sadly, my current pattern is closer to the latter than I'd like. If I get to bed before 1am I consider it to be an early night. Between 2 and 3 is more typical. Some weekends that even slips to 4am occasionally. During the week, I have to push myself to get up with sufficient time to prepare for work but at weekends I tend to sleep in well into the morning. Getting up at 10am or later doesn't really work for going out shopping when it takes over 2 hours for breakfast, makeup and getting dressed.

The rest of the problems with getting out on Saturday related to my inability to find an outfit that I was entirely happy with that would be convenient for trying other clothes on at op shops, and normal household things that demanded my time, which I would have ignored if I had been actually preparing to go out.

In late June, I began a diet experiment. Having seen my weight gradually climb from about 74kg when I was dieting and exercising conscientiously a few years ago to 86kg in June, I decided that I'd maintain a normal cereal breakfast and usual dinner, but cut out all snacks between meals and replace lunch with a diet drink powder in skim milk. Drinks between meals are either water, skim milk, carbonated fruit juice or the apple tea that I mentioned above. After 5 weeks, I am down to 81kg, an average loss of 1kg per week. This has been achieved without any extra exercise, because I simply don't have time to fit it in.

So, in addition to my goal of averaging getting out once every 5 days, I'm also working on my weight and thinking about how I'm going to reform my sleep pattern. I really should at least aim to be in bed by about 11:30pm, which could be very difficult on cafe nights!

Just average

June was a disappointing month for me. I worked virtually every day, finishing early only to go out to cafe nights. Because there were 5 Tuesdays, I got out to the local cafe nights 5 times, and once to the Central Coast cafe night.

Sadly, with work being so hectic, I simply didn't get any other opportunities to go out. In a 30 day month, I got out a total of 6 times. That means that I achieved an average of once every 5 days for that month, but I'm still behind for my goal for the year so far.

July is going to be worse. There will only be 5 cafe nights in a 31 day month, so unless I get out at least twice aside from the cafe nights, I'll be further behind by the end of the month. Looking at my work schedule so far, I'll be lucky to get a day off to relax, let alone going out. :(

In Heaven. Beauty Heaven, that is!

I've had a relatively good month this month. I got out a total of 7 times, so the month averaged once every 4.4 days. I had hoped to go out again yesterday, but was too tired and got up too late to be able to.

The highlight of this month was a day in Sydney last Saturday. After spending about 3 hours getting myself ready, I drove to the Balmain offices of the website Beauty Heaven as one of about 18 guests for an open day. The unusual thing was that it was an organised event where I was the only transgender person there. Normally, I'd either go out shopping alone, or I'd go to an event with other TG people.

As far as I know, everybody else present was a cisgender female. I've been active on that site for quite some time, which is how I came to get the invite. I've also been open about myself, so everybody present knew about me. Because of that, I didn't pass, but it didn't matter. Within minutes of meeting, people who I'd talked to online became friends who I felt like I'd known for years.

It started literally from when I parked my car. The woman who had parked next to me only a few seconds earlier was one of the other guests, so we walked from the carpark to the building together. Being the first two to arrive, we were immediately sat down at the manicurists' tables and given manicures using Orly products. The photo above shows the beautiful job that my manicurist did. Almost as soon as I'd finished there, someone dragged me off to do a brief video blog, which I'm praying never sees the light of day!

There were so many brands and so many products, I don't really remember them all. Looking back, I think that the highlight of the day wasn't the pampering or the products given to me during the day, or even the remarkably heavy goodies bag given to me at the end of the day, but getting to sit and chat with a group of girls including members and staff from Beauty Heaven, and the acceptance that was part of that. I was told by one of the staff that I was courageous (which I've never really thought I am), and another appeared genuinely shocked when I mentioned that I am 40. I'm still wondering how old she thought that I was. :)

After the open day, I drove to a friend's place in Hornsby to visit for the first time. After parking in the street around the corner from her apartment building, I realised that I couldn't find the piece of paper that I'd written the instructions on. Fortunately, I'd already used google maps to wok out which building it was, and the only possible problem was whether I remembered the unit number correctly or not. Happily, I did get it right, because I punched the number into the keypad and she buzzed me in without any drama. We sat and chatted for several hours, catching up on many years. I finally left around 10pm, arriving home at 11:30pm, a full 12 hours after I left home.

Obviously, there was no way that I was going to take that beautifully applied nail polish off, so it stayed on Saturday night and most of Sunday. I had an unexpected visitor on Sunday afternoon. My brother, who I mentioned back in February 2008, didn't speak to me for 9 months after he found out that I was a crossdresser. It was somewhat funny making an effort to keep him from seeing my nails, because I have no idea how he would have reacted if he had seen them. If he did see them, he didn't say anything, so the "don't ask, don't tell" status quo was maintained.

Sadly, the impending return to work on Monday meant that the nail polish had to come off Sunday night.

More out than I know?

Woo Hoo. Another blog post less than a day after the last. :)

A couple of interesting things happened last night, which make me wonder about how people perceive me in boy mode.

Yesterday, I had some private messages back and forth with a woman I met last year through work. She informed me that she guessed back then, based upon certain details of my appearance, that I was a crossdresser. She didn't say anything at the time, or indeed since, until I sent her a friend request on Facebook from my femme profile.

The other interesting thing happened when I went to put fuel in the car last night. When I went to pay, the female console operator commented something like "I wish I could grow nails like that. Mine are crap." It wasn't the first time I've had someone comment about my nails when I was in boy mode, but I think that it was the first time I've had a comment from someone who didn't already know me.

It's got me thinking about just how obvious it is to people who see me in boy mode, that I'm a CD. Do I care, and do I want to make changes to make it less obvious? I'm still thinking about that.

Given that my receded hairline means that I always wear a wig when en femme, I'm wondering if I'm being silly letting my hair grow long. After all, the longer my hair, the harder it is to hide under a wig. I'm wondering if I should cut my hair shorter, or make an effort to try one of the topical applications that are supposed to re-grow hair so that I can go without a wig.

Actually, now that I think about it, I'm wondering if what I want to do is make changes that might make it more obvious, like going back to having my lashes tinted? :)

Three times in four days

Yes, I've done it again. I've been so busy that I've missed out on blogging things as they happen and now have to go back and try to cover a few weeks in a catch-up post.

I've now worn the black and white long sleeved dress that I mentioned in my last post. It's nice and warm and fits beautifully. Sadly, it didn't fit my wife, so that's one that we won't be sharing.

I finally decided to make an effort to get some weight off. The best way I can find to do that is to walk for about an hour every day. With how much I have to cram into my days, I decided I'd try to do it at night instead. Great theory. I managed to walk a few nights, missing Tuesday nights when I went out for dinner. Work got the better of me, and it all fell apart. I'm going to keep trying, because I know that it's the only way I've ever managed to lose a reasonable amount of weight.

I've managed to pick up another nice wrap dress and a brown cord jacket in the past few weeks. The dress is a Tightrope brand, similar to two other dresses that I have that I really like.

Last Sunday was interesting. My friend Christina suggested a few weeks ago that we might go to the Maitland markets, and last Sunday was the day. I got up at 6:30am, which is very unusual for me, particularly on a Sunday. Up at 6:30, out of the house en femme around 9:15. Christina drove us to Maitland, where we spent a few hours walking around the markets, then drove to Morpeth for morning tea.

Tuesday night, I went to the Newcastle cafe night as usual, and wore the dress that I picked up the week before.

Wednesday night was the first cafe night at Norah Head, on the Central Coast. Christina came to my place and I drove us there and back. It was a great night, and it was hopefully the first of many, as it is planned to be a monthly event.

So, between Sunday and Wednesday, I went out en femme 3 times in 4 days. That's certainly helped my average, but it's still well below my target of once every 5 days.

While out shopping with the family on Thursday night, I decided to put a $20 Tree of Life voucher I'd won towards buying a smaller silver pendant than the rose that I often wear. After looking at a couple, I chose one that was $35. There was a 20% off sale, so it cost me just $8! I plan to wear that sometime very soon. :)

Op-shop shopping

As I mentioned the other day, I finally found a model of bra that fits me and is convertible to halter neck, which I bought in both skintone and black. For now, I've decided that I'll set both up in halter and leave them that way unless I find something that needs a crossover layout instead.

Having decided that, I figured that it was time to go looking around the op shops for halter neck dresses. Yesterday afternoon, I saw one dress at Salvos Glendale but it was labelled as a size XL, which should have been too big for me (I'm a size 14 or L), so I didn't try it on. It was black with pink highlights, and after I got home I realised that the pink on the dress might go with the shoes I bought on Thursday night, so I decided that I'd like to at least try the dress.

Having made the decision to try that dress meant driving back out to Glendale today and trying it in boy mode, using foam travel breast forms that are the same size as my good ones, but less liable to damage from being shoved into a bag. Well, if I'm out driving around, I may as well do a loop and try the stores at Boolaroo, Belmont North and Charlestown. At Glendale, I tried and bought the black and pink dress.

At Boolaroo, while I was working my way along the dress rack, a lady came out of a dressing room with about 4 dresses that she'd tried and decided not to buy. She was about to hang them part way along the rack where I'd already been. She looked at me, smiled, commented that there were a few nice dresses there, and placed them on the rack right where I was up to. One of them was a brown patterned halter neck dress with no size tag. I liked the pattern, which is similar to a wrap dress that I have. I took it off the rack and continued to the end. Having found no others that I wanted to try, I went and tried that dress on. I found that someone had done a bodgy job of stitching the centre of the dress up a bit to reduce the cleavage exposed, which wasn't right for me. Aside from that, the dress looked great so I decided to buy it. When I went to the checkout to pay for it, the woman who had put it back on the rack walked past and happily commented that I had taken one of the ones she had returned.

I was very happy not only with the dress but with that woman's behaviour towards me. There I was, quite clearly a male browsing, trying on and buying a dress and she was friendly and supportive without being condescending. Given the strange sideways glances I get at times, her attitude was a truly uplifting experience. :)

At Belmont North, I worked my way along the dress rack, and spotted a long sleeved black and white long sleeved size 14 wrap dress. Long sleeves don't usually work for me, because I'm tall for my dress size, and my arms are long to match. I also picked up a brown patterned faux wrap size M dress, as I have occasionally found size 12 or M dresses that fitted me okay. I tried both dresses, finding the the brown one was indeed too small, and that the long sleeved dress was in fact a very good fit everywhere including the sleeve length! It was also noticeably warm, even though it was quite light. It should be quite a nice winter dress.

The Charlestown store was a bit of a let down. I didn't find any dresses that I even wanted to try on, so I looked through the tops and found one that I liked, which was labelled size L. I tried it, and it was quite noticeably too small, so I returned it to the rack and went to Charlestown Square for lunch.

After lunch, I went home, put on my good breast forms and hip and buttock padding and tried the dresses with the appropriate bras. The long sleeved dress fitted even better than I had expected, accentuating the waist very nicely. My wife observed that that one will probably fit her quite well too.

I changed bra to the skintone halter one, and, after removing the bodgy stitching, tried the brown halter dress. It looks like it will need a little bit of alteration, with some stitching needed on the middle, but much shorter and in a different position to what I removed. The halter strap is not adjustable, and surprisingly, in spite of my big neck, I'm going to need to shorten it a couple of inches.

I tried the pink and black dress with the black halter bra, and after a bit of fiddling, got the neck straps tied at the right length and the dress sitting pretty much right. The pink on the dress is somewhat lighter than the shoes, but they work okay together. Of course, the dress will also go fine with black shoes.

Something I've thought about before, and was reminded of while trying these dresses today, is that I want a hook for hooking the middle of wrap, mock wrap and other crossover deep V neckline dresses and tops onto the middle of a bra. Something that will allow me to pull the dress in at the middle so that it sits flat against the bra, reducing the tendency for the dress to move and allow the bra to show. Perhaps a small curtain hook attached to a safety pin or sewn directly to the dress...

Oh, and a little something I've noticed when op shopping for V neckline dresses and tops. If you're short on safety pins, when you're op shopping, check the all crossover style V necklines. If people haven't stitched the crossover up to suit themselves, there's a reasonable chance that they will have left a safety pin there instead. :)

My holy grail of bras

I finally got to go out shopping today, for the first time since January.

I've managed to go for dinner out every Tuesday night so far this year, so my average hasn't yet dropped below once every 7 days, but it's not as close to every 5 days as I'd like.

I wandered through a few shops in Charlestown Square, including stopping to chat and getting a photo taken at Tree of Life.

I've previously tried quite hard to find a halterneck bra that met my needs, and had recently looked at modifying a regular bra to convert it to halter, or possibly paying to have a bra made or modified for me. I think that I found my holy grail of bras today. :)

I decided I'd try Bras'n'Things (BnT) first, to see if I could find a full enough coverage bra to cover my breastforms but still show reasonable cleavage, that could be converted to halter. After about 5 bras that just didn't have the coverage, I had just about given up. When I showed the sales assistant the bra that I was wearing, she realised that the middle wasn't as low cut as she was assuming, and came back with another style, Rose by Ultimate Body, which worked! Since it has detachable straps, it can be set up normal, crossover and halter. I'm happy to say that it was only $45, and available in black and skintone, so I bought one of each.

No longer will I have to pass over the halterneck dresses and tops in op shops, as I've done for years. Ditto for narrow backed styles.

I was also looking for the L'Oreal Lash Growth Serum, which I'd been unable to find a few weeks ago. I tried Priceline, no luck. I tried Myer. The woman there said that they didn't have it yet, but try Target. I found the L'Oreal display at Target without any problem. On it, I found a poster advertising the Lash Growth Serum, but an empty shelf alongside it. There was a woman stacking shelves almost right next to me, so I asked her if they had any more. She turned around to a separate stand behind me, about 2 metres from the big L'Oreal display, picked one up and handed it to me. Yay, I finally found it! Since I had to go back past Myer on the way to my car, I stopped to let the woman that I'd spoken to earlier that Target do indeed have it.

Before leaving Myer, I wandered through the shoe section. On a clearance table, I spotted an intensely bright pink suede stiletto in my size. I sat down and tried it, and it fitted quite well. When I asked for the other shoe, the woman went out the back and was gone for several minutes. She eventually came out with some boots that someone else was trying, and told me that she had been searching for the other shoe and couldn't find it. She went out the back again, along with another sales assistant, who came out a few minutes later shaking her head. The first woman came out several minutes later and said that she would have another look later. I thought that she said that she didn't finish until 9pm, but when I went back at about 7pm in boy mode, there was just one man working in the ladies shoe section. He knew about the shoes, which were in a box on a shelf just behind the counter. I checked them for damage, paid and left without the man even raising an eyebrow.

I had another first today. For years, I've always avoided lifts when en femme, I suppose for fear of being stuck briefly with someone who might decide to abuse or attack me. After leaving Charlestown Square, I decided to go to Westfield Kotara to have a look around. Where I parked, I thought I was on the right level to walk straight in the door of the centre but when I walked in the door, I realised that it was another floor up, in an alcove with one lift, which was open. I entered the almost full lift, standing right in the front corner. I held the door open button (backhanded) while a woman wheeled a pram in, then pressed the door close button. The lift went up another level before it went down, and I exited into the centre without incident.

I'd like to say that I took the lift on the way back out, but I didn't. Just outside the door in the carpark, there was a pedestrian ramp, which I chose to use on my way out. I used the lift once, but I'm not going to kick myself for not using it on the way out, because I would probably have done the same in male mode when the lift was that full.

Plodding along

As often happens, I intend to blog more frequently but end up not having time to do so, just as I often don't have time available to spend en femme. The past couple of months have certainly not been an exception.

Back in January, I mentioned that I planned to go out on Tuesday, 12th January. I did so, and have been to the cafe every Tuesday night so far this year. On one night, a GG (genetic girl) friend of over 30 years came along. As well as some occasional visits from girls from the Central Coast and Sydney, we've also had at least 4 new girls that I can think of including a visitor from Chicago, USA. On one occasion, the trannys were outnumbered 3 to 5 by GGs!

I also got out again to do some shopping on 15th January. Sadly, my holidays finished and I returned to work on Monday 18th January. That put paid to having time to go out en femme on other week days, and has so far also meant so much paperwork that I haven't had time at weekends either.

My goal to get out on average at least once every 5 days isn't looking like being met at this point. If I get to every cafe night, that'll guarantee an average of once every 7 days but other outings are looking like being few and far between. Today is the 66th day of the year and I've been out 11 times so far this year, so my average is now down to once every 6 days.

As the weather cools down, I'm hoping to get to a few belly dancing classes en femme. Sadly, I expect that work will get in the way of that plan as did has many times last year.

I'm also interested in going to a weekend event called Transformal, which will be held in Katoomba in May. Interestingly, this seems to be generating a lot of interest from GGs. Our dance teacher is interested, as are Tanya's friends who came along to the cafe a few weeks ago. The things holding me back are the fact that my wife doesn't seem interested and that I have no idea what we'd do with our son if we did go. Since he was born, the longest that my wife and I have had together without him has been one day and night, which has happened twice during school holidays, when my inlaws have had him stay with them overnight and took him sightseeing during the day. Those have both been Tuesday nights, thus allowing my wife to go to cafe with me. I have no idea whether that was done on purpose but my inlaws have never openly discussed my crossdressing and I rather doubt that they'd take our son from Friday afternoon after school until sometime Sunday evening so that we could go to a crossdressing event...

Celebrity Collage by MyHeritage

MyHeritage: Celebrity Collage - Ancestors - Geneology

Celebrity Collage by MyHeritage

MyHeritage: Family tree - Genealogy - Celeb - Collage - Morph

International wig purchases

I have a favourite brand and style of wig, which I have in 2 different lengths. The brand is New Look and the styles are Alicia (normal length) and Alicia XXL (almost waist length). Every photo of me in a red wig is one of those wigs. They are fairly cheap Chinese made wigs, but the brand is not sold in Australia and doesn't appear to be available directly from China, so has to be sourced from the USA.

I have black and blonde wigs in a different brand which don't frame my face as well and the blonde is the wrong shade, so I decided that I would buy an Alicia in black and another in the whitest blonde available and, if I was happy with them, I'd order both colours in XXL later. The eBay seller that I previously bought from is gone, so I started googling the brand and style.

The whitest blonde available seems to be colour 60, a silver white from the grey range.

Not happy! After looking around at the various sites, I settled on cosworx, who had the best prices by far. They had the Alicia for US$30 against others around $35 to $40, and the XXL for around $48 against others around $58. I got most of the way through ordering them before discovering that they don't ship outside the USA. I don't think that they even ship to Canada!

Maybe I'll have to try my luck with another eBay seller. Hmmm.

"You're beautiful!"

I had a new experience yesterday. A woman said "You're beautiful!" to me, and meant it. Amazingly, she already knew me as a male, and she said it after she had realised who I was. :)

I had been intending to get out a few times while I was on holidays, but aside from the cafe nights that I go to throughout the year, yesterday was the first time that I got out. On Thursday night, an infrequent crossdresser from the next suburb showed up in a chat room and informed me that their partner was away until Saturday afternoon. We arranged that, when she got home around 10pm, she'd come into the chat room and let me know, and I'd go and visit for a while.

With the late evening visit in mind, I decided that I'd go out shopping during the day and stay dressed until I got back from visiting her. I had a late start and ended up having lunch before I ventured out. I drove to Westfield Kotara, and had just about given up doing laps of the carpark and was on my way to the exit when someone got into their car and left, giving me a space quite close to one of the entrances.

I had 3 things that I was really after. A wide black belt to go with a certain dress, which I'll probably wear to the cafe within the next week or two, a new black bag to replace the too-small backpack style one that I've been using for some time, and wrap dresses. I walked around looking for belts in some of the cheaper shops without success.

While I was walking around, I had a woman from a little stall apparently selling hair straighteners or curlers ask if I'd come over to their stall, obviously intending to try to demonstrate their product on my hair... Since I'm quite attached to this particular synthetic wig and she apparently had no idea that it was a wig, I declined. :)

I worked my way through the more expensive places, and found a nice black leather belt and a bag on sale at Esprit. The belt had a RRP of $69.95 and a discounted tag showing $34.95. The bag had a RRP of $89.95 and was reduced to $33.95. I decided to look around at a few more places including a specialist bag store, but ended up going back to Esprit. When I took the belt and bag to the counter, the belt turned out to be reduced even further, meaning that I paid just $26.95 for it. It wasn't until I was typing this blog post that I looked at the receipt closely enough to realise that the bag is polyurethane and not leather, but with the frequency of use it's likely to have I doubt that will be a problem. It matches the belt and my black leather Tony Bianco stilettos, so it'll do. :)

Having finished at Westfield, I decided to drop into 3 op shops that I often go to, and have bought many clothes from. In two of the three, some of the staff have seen photos of me, but only one had seen me en femme before, and that was some time ago when my makeup wasnt as good as it is now and I was in a brunette wig. The two women I recognised at the first shop didn't show any sign of recognition, the staff of the second didn't even look at me, but I only managed about a minute in the 3rd shop before the first woman realised who I was.Apparently I smiled too much, and my smile is (un)fairly distinctive. A few seconds later, the manager came out of the back room into the shop and looked at me. Her expression was priceless. It went from a normal neutral look of someone who is busy with her work to jaw dropped wide open in about a second. Once she'd picked her jaw up off the floor, she exclaimed "You're beautiful!" She took 2 photos with her phone, the other woman took one photo with her camera and one with my mobile.

I didn't find any wrap dresses, so I'm intending to try to get out again sometime next week to look in a few other places. Maybe I'll scour the local op shops for Tightrope brand dresses in size 14, since that's what my two favourite dresses are.

Sadly, after hanging around in the chat room until 11pm, the girl from the next suburb didn't show up, so I changed, showered and went to bed.

As I mentioned in my last post, I set myself a goal of getting out on average once every 5 days this year, double my average from last year. By the and of the 8th, I'd been out twice, and I anticipate going out again next Tuesday, which is the 12th. Looks like I might be revising my goal to average once every 4 days!

Wrapping up one year to make way for the next

I'm not having fun with blogger so far this year. Yesterday, I typed a blog post, went to add an image and the whole thing vanished. Not fun. I couldn't face starting again, so I left it for a day.

Today, I'm doing a wrap up of last year and looking forwards to what I'm hoping for from the year ahead. In part, that means I'm looking back over my blog posts from last year and following up on things that I think need wrapping up.

I had two friends pass away last year. Pip, who was in a photo I posted back in March, passed away from cancer. She was in her 70s, had lived a very full life and will be remembered by many, many people. The other friend was Patrick, a fairly quiet man who emphatically disliked people in general. Patrick was mentally ill, drank himself to death in his 40s and will sadly be remembered by few people. I mourned for both of them, but was unable to attend either of their funerals.

Back at Easter, I blogged about almost bumping into one of my wife's cousins while out shopping. I saw him at Christmas, and nothing was said. This fits with my plausible deniability post back in May, where I concluded that most of my wife's relatives know but choose to pretend not to. Also back at Easter, I mentioned that my sister-in-law's husband had asked "Who is Alice?" Some time later, my sister-in-law made it clearly obvious in a message to my wife that she didn't approve, but has since behaved towards the male me exactly as she did before. I suppose that's a good compromise position. I have no idea whether any of them would accept me as a female and for now, I'm not going to push the point.

Over the past few months, I've been making a conscious effort to look after my fingernails. I have been constantly reminding myself of a line that I think I read on the Beauty Heaven forums, which said that nails are jewels, not tools. I don't remember who wrote it, but to whoever it was, thank you. Things that I would have done with my nails in the past, I now consciously stop myself and find some other way of doing. As you'll see in the photo, my nails are now of a nice length, and they're not artificial! Most of the time, I simply wear a clear coat on them to protect them but a few times recently I've put some polish on them. I considered painting them in alternating red and green for Christmas, and even went and bought bright green and red nail polishes, but decided against it because I didn't want to push the point with my wife's relatives.

A few months ago, I added another school friend who now knows about me. She commented that I do makeup much better than she does. :)

The neighbours have been quiet recently. The one who I outed myself to online and blogged about last January and April only talks to me intermittently, but that's always been the case. The neighbours on the other side still have me guessing. A few times through the year, I'd come home from dinner out and the light would be on in a room alongside my driveway but by the time I put the car in the garage and walked out, the light would be off. Whether it was coincidence or they were turning the light off so that they could look at me, I don't know. I have no idea if they know or not, but am assuming that they do. We got new neighbours across the street a few months ago, and a few times when I came home the woman would be standing in the dark on their front veranda smoking by the time I put the car into the garage but I haven't seen the little orange glow for some weeks. Like the next door neighbours, I'm assuming that she knows.

I did a quick count of the number of times I went out for dinner with the girls in 2009. It appears that it was 33 times, down from 36 the year before. I only got out a total of 4 other times, including the one belly dance class that I blogged about some time ago. They are fairly disappointing numbers when I look at them. I averaged going out about once every 10 days. I'm not going to call it a new year's resolution but I'm intending to try to raise that average to better than one in 5. The only way I'll achieve that is to get to the cafe a lot more often, do a few more dance classes en femme and get out shopping more often.

Not happy

A few weeks ago, I bought a pair of Tony Bianco Palais shoes in red suede on sale in a small country town for $75. I was quite impressed with the style, and went looking on line to see what other colours they came in. I found that they also came in a nice purple suede that I was really keen on, and a dark chocolate brown kid leather that would work well with some of my Autumn (redheaded colouring) outfits.

After some googling, I discovered that Wanted Shoes (the Australian one, which I think is unrelated to the USA one) had the brown on sale for $80, so I went to their Kotara store on Saturday to ask about them. The shop assistant said that they could order them in for me to look at to see if I liked the colour, and I wouldn't need to leave a deposit. The implication seemed to be that if I didn't like the colour, I wouldn't be obliged to buy them.

I went back to the store on Thursday afternoon to have a look at the shoes. The sales assistant clearly had the attitude that, since I had ordered them, I was there to buy the shoes, not look at them. In fact, the sales assistant lifted the lid off the box only long enough to be able to confirm that they were the right style and colour. She also advised that the price had been further reduced from $80 to $50 but did not indicate why.

When I got home, I took the shoes out of the box and was shocked to discover that the shoes are quite obviously badly shop soiled, having numerous scratches and scuffs, particularly on the right shoe that had obviously been on display and still had a large price label stuck inside.

I am appalled at the behaviour of the sales staff. While the shoes were discounted, at no time was it suggested that the shoes were marked or damaged in any way. As I had purchased the same shoes in red suede for $75 elsewhere a few weeks earlier, I assumed that it was simply a clearance on a slow moving colour.

While my wife is fairly confident that the marks can be polished out using a rejuvenating shoe polish, I am extremely disappointed with the experience of purchasing shoes from Wanted Shoes.

I've sent a message to the customer service link on their web site, and so far I've had an automated response containing what I sent them. I'll be interested to see what their response is.

From boy to belly dancer

I surprised myself today. I wondered how long ago I'd mentioned in my blog that I have been learning belly dancing. The surprise was that I don't appear to have ever mentioned it before!

I started learning belly dancing about 8 years ago, and generally done one class per week, roughly in school terms, when I've been able to. There have been a couple of long gaps where I haven't danced. I think that the first one, about 6 years ago, was about 9 months. The recent one was that I stopped in about June last year and only started again a few weeks ago.

This week, I did something that I've never done before. I took a day off work, dressed in a casual outfit, spent a few hours out shopping then did something that I hadn't seriously considered even a few days earlier. I did a belly dance class en femme. I absolutely loved it. The only negative was that, instead of doing some yoga at the end of the class, we just did the full hour of dance because makeup and a wig aren't very compatible with yoga.

The problem now is that, I'd love to do my dance classes en femme all the time, but that would probably mean no more yoga. I even considered taking a wig stand and makeup so that I could take the wig off before the yoga, then touch up the makeup and put the wig back on at the end but that's a lot of fiddling!

More steamroller days

Back in 2007, I blogged about steamroller days - days where you feel like you've been run over by a steamroller.

Well I've had a lot of them recently. Here's a typical work day from this week just gone:
* up before 8am;
* first customer waiting when I get to the office at 8:45am;
* work the morning, which runs over to about 12:40pm;
* prepare lunch in about 5 minutes, but have to leave it because...
* 1pm customer arrives at 12:45pm;
* eat lunch at 2pm while organising to go out for customers I have to visit;
* drive to 2 customers and the bank then back to office;
* 5pm to 6pm - spend an hour on the phone helping someone with a technical problem;
* get about half an hour of paperwork done before organising my family and travelling to visit relatives for dinner;
* get home around 9pm, go back to the office and work on paperwork until midnight;
* get to bed at 2am.

Yes, I manage to squeeze the occasional few minutes online amongst all of that, but it's why I haven't managed to go out shopping en femme since Easter, and why I don't always manage to get to the weekly cafe nights. Some people even think that I'm snubbing them by not travelling to Sydney (at least 2 hours drive each way) for events!

To top it all off, I've got a persistent sore throat which makes a feminine voice all but impossible and my weight is going up because I don't have time to exercise.

Crossdressing and politics

I've been thinking about this for a few years now.

Is Australia ready for a crossdressing politician? I don't mean someone who is in the closet about their crossdressing. I mean a heterosexual, married man who publicly admits that he is a crossdresser, complete with a sizable collection of publicly accessible photos on flickr in various places online. [edited October 2010 - flickr photos no longer publicly accessible but there are photos online elsewhere.]

A few years ago, I seriously considered being involved in politics but wasn't going to be out about my crossdressing if I did. Not long before my candidacy would have become public, a TS friend made a comment to me in a chat room. Her comment was something like "It's not if you get outed, it's when. If you go into politics, you will be outed." I knew that what she was telling me was true, and that I'd been trying to delude myself into believing otherwise. I had also gained a fairly good insight into how dirty politics really is, so I withdrew and that was that.

After a while, I had a bit of a think about all of that, and decided that if I ever do get into politics, I will have to be completely out about my crossdressing before I even start.The reality is that I've been letting people around me know about it, but telling the world at large is something else entirely. I'm not sure whether I'm ready for it, and I'm not sure that I want to do that to my wife and son.

Then there are the politicial ramifications. If I'm completely open about my crossdressing, will a political party want anything to do with me, and would anyone vote for me? Imagine for a moment that there was an election where the 2 leading candidates were a married crossdresser and a guy who had abandoned his wife and children to shack up with his secretary. Which one would people vote for?

The only political positive would be that there'd be no skeletons in my closet. :)

It takes a lot of makeup...

As promised, here's my makeup routine. As mentioned before, preparation includes removing facial hair, shaping and trimming brows, washing, toning and moisturising, getting all the makeup and brushes out and laying them out ready to use. My face is quite oily everywhere except between my mouth and top lip but my neck and chest aren't anywhere nearly as oily, and the makeup process reflects that. My current pattern is to organise the makeup in 3 rows. I work along each row then move to the next.
Row 1, foundation:
* wet a makeup sponge and squeeze so it's just damp;
* apply makeup primer to face using sponge. I'm currently using Clinique pore minimizer instant perfector. I'm not happy with its coverage of large pores and will look for something better when I finish it;
* apply an oil control gel to face using same sponge. The current one is Clinique pore minimizer t-zone shine control. It helps to keep my makeup from going shiny for a bit longer than without it, but probably only about half an hour. Again, I'll look for something better when I finish it;
* apply makeup primer to neck and chest down to top of bra using same sponge. I'm using Inglot Under Makeup Base here purely to use it up because it was useless on my face. It didn't help to hide the pores and it didn't help with shine but it does help to keep the foundation in place;
* apply a green colour corrector cream to a few of the reddest spots using same sponge. The current one is Avon Colour Corrective Cream, and it's going to last for years because I use very little;
* if the sponge is worn out, throw away. Otherwise, wash, rinse, squeeze and leave to air dry;
* apply a Dermablend colourless powder over my face with a puff, then brush off the excess with a big powder brush. This helps to absorb oil and to fill in pores a bit more;
* apply foundation using brush, with the foundation in the palm of my spare hand. I start with my forehead and work down around my eyes, over my nose, around my mouth then from the temples down the sides of my face, alternating from side to side. Once I've covered my face using my Estée Lauder Double Wear foundation (which I love), I add some Revlon Colorstay to the remaining foundation in my hand and mix it in. I'm basically using up the Revlon on my neck and chest because it can't handle the oiliness of my face but it's also a shade lighter than the Estée Lauder and I found that using the same foundation all the way down made the face look paler then the chest, so blending from one shade to the other under the jaw actually looks more natural;
Row 2, highlight, contour and blush:
* apply a highlight powder that is paler than the foundation and a contour powder that is darker than the foundation. This helps to change the apparent shape. I use the highlighting to make some places look shallower or more prominent and contouring to make other places look deeper or less prominent. I actually apply all of the contouring, then all of the highlighting but the following descriptions mix the two to make it easier to understand what they're for:

* I have the masculine “bossing” over the eyebrows, and contouring it helps to make the face shape look more feminine. I only contour a small horizontal stripe from about mid-brow to mid-brow.
* I'll sometimes add a small contour spot in the hollow underneath the cheekbone to help to emphasise the cheekbones and make them look bigger.
* I contour along the edges of the jaw for about the middle third of each side and apply a highlighter in an upward pointing triangle on the tip of the jaw, improving the definition of the tip while shrinking the sides a little to improve the overall appearance of the shape.
* I apply highlighter in a large triangle with its points at the outer end of the eye, the edge of the ear level with the eye and the jaw just below the ear to help widen the top of the face to make my long face look more oval.
* I highlight across the bridge of the nose and a narrow line down the ridge and contour the sides and around the underside of the tip to bring the bridge forward (reduces the appearance of the forehead bossing) and emphasise the narrowness of that line against the contour used along the sides of the nose to make it look shorter and narrower.
* I highlight in the hollow under my bottom lip to flatten out that hollow.
* To emphasise cleavage, I contour between the breasts and take a curved Y shape up around the top of the breasts a little bit to emphasise the boundary between the flat skin of the chest and the rise of the breasts, and highlight on the inside side of each breast to emphasise them and increase the apparent depth of the cleavage. Lately, I've actually been using a white eyeshadow (Max Factor 010 Wild White) to highlight here.

* apply blush, going from under the middle of each eye out and up to in front of each ear and up the temples. Might sound odd but that's what my face shape needs. I use different blush colours, depending on the clothing and wig colour that I'm going to wear;
* apply Estée Lauder Double Wear powder to set the foundation and help blend the contouring and highlighting. I use a medium powder brush to apply and a large one to dust off the excess;
* remove the 2 tissues that were tucked into the top edges of the bra and use them and a brush cleaner to thoroughly clean the foundation brush;
Row 3, eyes and mouth:
* pencil in brows, starting at the inside ends and working out along the brows, alternating side to side to try to keep them even. My brows end about 2/3 of the way across my eyes, so once I get to the outside end of the brows, I draw a new line freehand. I start with a narrow line, and they always end up uneven so I thicken them to even them up. If I'm wearing an auburn wig, I start with an auburn pencil that is too subtle on its own, then use a brush and brown eyeshadow to fill in the brows, leaving a fairly natural brown/auburn brow colour. For other wig colours, I simply use a matching pencil;
* apply a white eyeshadow to the middle of each upper lid to help to make the eyes look more open and a patch under the peak of each brow to help to lift (open up) the brows. I apply all of my eyeshadow using a brush;
* apply dark eyeshadow shade to lids and crease, working around the white section. Like blush, the colour of eyeshadow varies with wig and clothing colour;
* apply lighter eyeshadow to outer 2/3 of areas below brows, from a diagonal line up and out from near the inside corner of the eye to the brow, dipping under but blended into the white under the peak and petering out in a curve between the outside end of each eye and the ends of the brows;
* use heated eyelash curler to curl upper lashes. Because the curler is shorter than my eyes, this usually takes about 4 goes on each side before I'm satisfied;
* apply mascara. I'm currently using Covergirl LashBlast waterproof. I use black/brown with auburn and brown warm season wigs and black with blonde and brunette cool season wigs;
* apply eyeliner. I'm using Inovi LiquidPencil with their Fixit makeup fixative at the moment and aside from how badly it breaks up when sharpening, I'm happy with it but their store closed so I'll have to find something else when I use them up. As with the mascara, I use brown or black depending on the wig colour;
* apply white eyeliner to the lower lids above the lashes, in the so called "waterline" area so that that area looks like part of the white of the eye from a distance, making the eyes look more open;
* apply more white eyeshadow around the inner end of the eyes to tone down the eyeliner a little and brighten the eyes;
* apply lipstick and sealer. I use various shades of Max Factor Lipfinity and CoverGirl OutLast (they're the same stuff from the same factory, just in different shades) and I always have trouble getting the lip line to look right and even. I apply the colour, then the clear sealer/moisturiser, blot then apply the clear again.

Now you can probably see why I separated this from the Boy to Girl list. :)

Plausible deniability

I visited one of my wife's aunts for a while today. She needed a hand with a computer problem and changing a light bulb in her flat.

While I was sorting out her computer problem for her, I told her outright that I am a crossdresser. Not only was she not the slightest bit surprised, but she confirmed my suspicion that most if not all of my wife's relatives know but are choosing to pretend not to know. I believe that the term used in the military is plausible deniability. By not admitting that they know, it remains plausible that they don't know.

That's actually a big relief to me. They know and pretend not to, and that's their choice. The really good thing is that they continue to accept me in my male role. I haven't been rejected outright. I'm still trying to get my head around the larger implications of this, but it's definitely a relief.

Boy to girl

As promised, here's my lists of things that have to do to change from "boy" to "girl", and why it takes at least three hours all up.

First, there's the preparatory things that can be done hours before the actual transformation begins:

*decide on an outfit including wig;
*get out wig cap, clips and pins to match wig, brush, comb and spray;
*get the wig (on foam head) out and put it on the stand, spray and brush all over;
*get the clothing out, hang or lay out on the bed as appropriate;
*get out the underwear, padding, breast forms etc and lay them out on the bed;
*get out the shoes that I'll be wearing when I leave the house, plus heels in their box if I'm going to change shoes after driving. Often, I'll put the heels in the car now or immediately before starting the actual change;
*choose and get out jewellery to match;
*get out makeup, brushes etc and put them on a cloth on the bed ready to take to the bathroom;
*check and trim or shave any body or facial hair that needs doing. This is only a touch-up, as the hair will all have been waxed or epilated if I'm organised;
*get out girl purse and handbag to match outfit. If I don't need to go anywhere in boy mode before I get changed, I'll pack the purse and mostly pack the handbag aside from makeup, keys and phone.

At this point, I can leave it all like this for hours before I start to actually change. Sometimes the above organising will be done through the day between doing other things if I'm going out at night.

Once it's time to actually change, the process is fairly consistently in this order:
*in bedroom, take off boy shoes/boots and socks, shirt and trousers to give the maximum possible time for the clothing pressure marks to go away, remove boy earrings, brush and tie hair off face, put on girl dressing gown. I have 2 separate dressing gowns, a boy one which never comes into contact with makeup or perfume and the girl one that gets perfume and makeup on it all the time;
*in bathroom, wash, tone and moisturise face, neck and decolette;
*in bedroom, apply adhesive bra, checking in mirror to get the 2 pieces symmetrically placed, put on bra, do up clip on adhesive bra then put the breast forms into place. I do the adhesive bra up after putting the normal bra on because reaching around to do the bra up has broken the clips on adhesive bras before;
*apply a quick spray of body spray to belly and back below bra before putting dressing gown back on;
*pick up the cloth with the makeup by the corners in one hand, brush set in the other hand and return to the bathroom;
*lay makeup out on cloth in order of use on one side of bathroom vanity, brushes on the other side;
*get 3 tisues, tuck 2 of them along the cleavage edges of the bra to keep the makeup off, put the other one aside for blotting lipstick;
*do makeup. There'll be a separate post about this, but it currently takes around an hour and 5 to 20 minutes;
*use toilet. Sounds odd to put in this list, but after the next 2 steps, I have to strip to go again;
*take makeup and brushes back to bedroom, finish packing handbag;
*in bedroom, apply talc, go back to bathroom and wash hands (I should take the talc to the bathroom with the makeup but I never thought of it until I was typing this!), put on g-string which holds boy bits tucked into place to give a smooth feminine shape, inner shaper pants to keep padding off skin, outer shaper pants rolled down to crotch. Insert bottom edges of padding into shaper pants, roll shaper pants up over padding, lift bottom edges to flatten padding, move padding and pants as necessary to get in correct position. Once the padding and shaper pants are all in place, put the thigh-to-underbust body shaper on over them, starting by pulling it up the legs with it also rolled down to the crotch. unroll body shaper and hook on removable straps, feed straps up under sides of bra and get them sitting under the bra straps on the top of the shoulders. Lift the legs of the shaper and get all the layers sitting flat;
*Put on tights/pantihose/socks, outer garments, shoes;
*take wig on stand, brush, wig cap, clips, pins etc to bathroom;
*pin hair up using about 10 one touch clips, then clip wig cap on using another 10 clips;
*put wig on, adjust and pin into place, quick brush, put decorative clips into wig, brush again;
*put on earrings, necklace, bracelets, wedding ring;
*apply perfume to wrists;
*check overall look in mirror. Brush wig again if needed.

On Tuesday afternoon this week, the actual change took about two and a half hours, including the makeup taking one hour and five minutes. The organising stuff took at least half an hour.

Fun, fun, fun on facebook

A friend who I've known for over thirty years recently realised who I am and sent me a friend request on facebook. It's funny to realise that I started cross-dressing a few years before I met her, but it wasn't until just a few weeks ago that she found out. She was shocked at first but is quite accepting. I'm genuinely surprised just how happy that has made me.

After all this time of wondering if my wife's family have any idea who I am, I've finally had a hint on facebook that some of them actually know and just won't say anything. :)

Importing stuff to facebook

Well, I've finally decided to import my blog into my Facebook notes. If you're reading this on facebook as a single note, you can click on the Alice's Notes link above the note, next to my photo, to see all of my notes including all the imported blog posts. If you click on the View original post link below the note, it'll take you to the original blog post on blogger. Sadly, it doesn't seem to be possible to also transfer comments left on blogger in response to posts there across to Facebook, so there may end up being 2 separate sets of comments on the same post.

I also discovered that it's very easy to link my photos on flickr to Facebook, so now new image uploads to flickr will also show up on my wall and my friends' home pages.

For anyone wondering, my new profile photo on both blogger and facebook was taken after I got home from dinner with friends on Tuesday night. It's one of those rare occasions where I look at a photo and think that it has turned out just right. :)

I've had several people respond to my second last post about all the things that I do going from "girl to boy", asking for more similar stuff. I promise that I'll soon be doing a similar "boy to girl" list, a "grooming" list and perhaps a post about "why it takes me so long to do makeup". :)

Dinner with the family

In my second last post, I mentioned that I was going out for dinner with my wife's family, and that I was wondering what would happen after one of my wife's cousins saw me on Saturday.

Well, the answer was a big fat nothing!

The guy who saw me was visiting from Sydney, and went home before the dinner because of other commitments. His parents (who he probably stayed with) and brother were all there, and none of them even looked at me sideways let alone saying anything.

Sheesh! it could be xmas before I see him again! I still don't know if he recognised me, but if he did, it doesn't look like he told any of his family.

Why does it take so long to change from girl to boy?

Someone asked me recently on a forum why it takes me over an hour to change from "girl" back to "boy". Since I figured that other people might be interested, here is a summary. I don't always do everything in exactly this order, but this is roughly it:

* unpack and put away handbag;
* put away makeup, etc;
* remove and put away jewellery;
* remove shoes, put back in box & put box away in cupboard unless wet, in which case leave to air. If I've worn flats to drive and heels while out, put away or air both;
* remove wig, put it on foam head, brush then put away;
* remove outer clothes and socks/tights/pantihose. Sort and put out to wash or hang for next time. I use a silk or satin scarf over my head to avoid getting makeup on the top or dress if it comes off over my head;
* remove bra, breast forms, adhesive bra, body shaper, outer shaper pants (holds padding in place), padding, inner shaper pants (keeps padding off skin) and g-string;
* hang bra, shapers and padding to air or put out to wash;
* hand wash breast forms, adhesive bra and g-string. Towel dry non-adhesive sides of forms and bra, put in storage trays to air dry. Hang g-string on shower screen to drip;
* remove wig cap and about 20 one-touch clips;
* remove makeup, which extends all the way to the top edge of the bra;
* shower. This includes washing my face twice with different cleansers to make sure all visible signs of makeup are gone, washing all over thoroughly to remove perfume and washing hair;
* tone, apply eyecream and moisturiser;
* towel dry g-string and hang to air dry;
* put on "boy" clothes;
* put "boy" earrings in;
* brush and tie up hair;
* transfer almost everything from my girl purse to my boy wallet.

Yes, that's at least an hour.

Facebook friend invites - episode 3, plus a day out shopping

Yesterday, for no obvious reason, I decided to send a few more friend invites on Facebook. I haven't sent a 2nd invite to anybody who ignored the first one, I've just sent a few more to various people who know me as a boy.

That included my father-in-law's sister, who, like her brother, accepted the invite soon after I sent it, without comment.

It also included my sister-in-law's husband, who popped up a chat with my wife asking "Who is Alice?" while she was in the middle of preparing dinner. I think that she responded with something along the lines of "Look at her profile and you should be able to work it out. I've got to go back to preparing dinner." It's over a day since then, and nothing more has been said to my wife or to me.

I decided yesterday that I wanted to do some shopping today. I'd broken the clip on my last adhesive bra (you can see that I use them for on wikipedia), and one place has them at 2 for $8, so I went there and bought 4. That was in the Hunter Street Mall, and getting there without paying for parking involved hiking from the top of Newcommen Street down to the mall and back. For those who don't know the area, it's a decent sized hill.

After that, I headed to Westfield Kotara to look for coloured tights, particularly purple ones to go with a body suit that I particularly like. One idea is to layer black lace tights over purple. I bought some patterned purple tights at Target, and while I was there I almost bumped into one of my wife's cousins, who only knows me as a male. He looked at me, then did a double take but didn't say anything. I turned away as calmly as I could manage and simply headed to the checkouts without looking back.

After browsing several other stores and buying a couple of things at DJs, I headed up to Charlestown Square. I hit the jackpot on the tights at Sussan. They not only had purple tights that are an almost perfect match to the body suit, but they also had black lace floral pattern ones like the one pair I've had for a couple of years and couldn't more of. They were on sale at $5 off each, too. I'm considering going back and buying some more while they're still on special!

I realised something sort of funny a while ago, and today reinforced it for me. Even if people read me as a crossdresser, they never confront me about it. It's actually easier to go out shopping as a woman and have few people even look twice than to go into "women's" shops and the "women's" department of shops as a man and have lots of people looking, whispering, etc!

There's a family get-together coming up for my wife's family. I'll be interested to see what is said, if anything.

Random bits 'n' bobs

Forgive me readers, for I have sinned. It has been far too long since I last blogged and lots of things have happened that I should have written about. :)

Sadly, my dear friend Pip, who I mentioned in my last post, has passed away. Even though it was expected, it's still taking a while to really get over.

My nephew, who I mentioned in my 2nd last post, still doesn't seem to have worked it out. Last weekend, I forgot that he doesn't know and when I was visiting my brother's place there was a discussion about who was taller. Someone said that my nephew is yet to have his main growth spurt. I responded with "That's okay, I've got 4" heels." Everybody laughed, but he responded with a comment that indicated that he thought that I was joking.

In a surprise move, one of my friends sent me a friend request on Facebook. I'm yet to find out what led her to realise who I am, but it was a real surprise because I sent her a request months ago and she ignored it.

I've finally made the decision to abandon MySpace entirely. I deleted my profile yesterday, so old links to my blog of MySpace won't work any more. That's okay, though, because I copied them all here first.

My neighbour, who I blogged about having outed myself to, seems to be more accepting than before. We've chatted across the fence about my crossdressing, and she tells me that she's seen me a few times and thinks that I look better as a brunette. :)

I've been tagged

It seems that my dear friend GlossQueen as decided to tag me. Ouch. :p What I have to do is post the third photo in the third folder on my computer, and write about it, so here goes...


Early in 2008, I started going out for dinner fairly regularly with a few other transgender girls. This photo is a group photo from the second time I went out. With me were Linda Karen (aka LK), Pip and Amy Hayes.

These weekly restaurant nights have really helped me and many several other girls come out of our shells (and closets) and be more comfortable in public. The idea originally started in Brisbane, and LK and Pip decided to do the same in Newcastle. I'm really proud that I've become a reasonably regular part of this, and also that it allowed me to spend time with Pip, whose health has sadly declined since this photo was taken. I'm also missing Amy, who hasn't made the trip up from Sydney for quite a while now (hint, hint :p).

While tranny chasers are not welcome (I've blogged before about when one turned up), pretty much anybody else who feels like dining with a bunch of trannies is welcome to come along. :)

"Who is Alice?"

I was in boy mode when I took my son to a birthday party for one of my nieces today (the one I've mentioned before, who has met me as Alice).

Last night, my son and I made a birthday card for her. At my son's insistence, the card was from 4 names, my son, my wife, my male name and "Alice".

My 3 nieces all loved it. My 12yo nephew looked a little confused and asked "who is Alice?" I answered, do you remember the photo your sister used to have on her wall before she moved out of home? He still looked a little confused and my niece said "you know, the one you thought was aunty ***."

He knew the photo we were talking about but still didn't get it. "But who is she?" My niece just said "a family friend" and left it at that. I later told her that I describe my alternate identity as my "identical twin" brother or sister, depending on which I am at the time. :)

He was the only one of my immediate relatives who I wasn't sure whether he knew or not. All of the rest do. Now that his 3 sisters know that he doesn't know, I suspect that he'll know fairly soon. :)

Facebook friend invites - episode 2

I finally sent a facebook friend request to my father-in-law. Now that might not sound like a big deal, but when you're a crossdresser and you're not sure if your inlaws know that or not, and you send the request from a female profile on facebook, which has a corresponding crossdressed avatar photo and he accepts the friend request without comment, it makes things interesting. I still don't know if he knows but I suspect that he might. :)

Facebook friend invites

Well, I finally did it.

I sent facebook friend requests to some of my wife's relatives and one of her friends. So far, no reaction. Of the 4 invites I sent, I'm certain that 2 of them have logged into facebook and done other stuff since, but I've had no reaction. Not even a message saying "who are you?"

I guess I'll just have to wait a while and see if anything happens. After being so nervous about sending them, it seems like a bit of an anti-climax getting no response at all!

Maybe I should send a request to my father-in-law too. LOL.

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